An Invitation

I, and some other wonderful women, are starting to plan a memorial for missing and dead prostituted women and girls.

It is just at the ideas stage, but I am beginning to believe it is more than a pipe-dream, more than my private fantasy.

It can and will be real – a living memorial that could last until all the prostituted are fully free.

It can and will be real – a living memorial to place all our hurts and griefs for those who could not make.

It can and will be real – for even if and when there is abolition, we must hold in our hearts the waste of so many brilliant women and girls.

That is my dream, that is my mission – that is how I would be proud top leave my mark in this world.

This post is an invitation to all of you who truly hold in your hearts all these vanished prostituted women and girls.

I would love to make in the long-term to have a permanent memorial in my city or London to the English missing and dead prostituted women and girls.

That should be a spur for permanent in other cities, other towns, others of the millions of places where the prostituted are made to disappear.

We should not just remember those prostitutes killed by serial killers – but remember the ordinary murders by pimps/profiteers, remember ordinary murders done one by one by punters who cannot see the human in every prostitute.

We should remember that most murders/disappearances of the prostituted go unacknowledged.

We must remember all of these women and girls.

If we are to make a world where there is no slavery, a world where no-one is made into throwaway goods – we have no choice but to remember all the murdered and disappeared prostituted women and girls.

I invite any writer who wants to remember these women and girls – to send me poems, send me prose, send a play script.

I invite any artist who wants to remember these women and girls – to send me paintings, photos, installations.

I invite any songwriter or musician to remember these women and girls – send me songs, ideas for sounds.

I invite anyone who loved or just want to record a disappeared prostituted woman or girl – to contact me with memories, with connections to their lives.

I invite all with a heart for the prostituted to contact me with ideas, dreams, thoughts and grief.

I want a permanent memorial – but I also a constant living memorial events with music, arts and words.

I dream that we keep these women and girls in the forefront of every discussion, every news story, every chat in the pub – we keep the disappeared and murdered prostituted women and girls at the top of every reason we must have abolition.

Abolition is more than just an intellectual – abolition must come from the heart, abolition must hold our spirituality – and it also includes our minds.

To truly understand the reasons for abolition of sex trade, you must be able to hold and see deep into the grief that the prostituted are made into disposable goods.

Grief is a vital part of the abolition, abolition cannot be real, unless we face that deep sorrow.

I grieve not just the women and girls I knew that vanished – my prostituted heart grieve all the prostituted who were toss away like trash.

I do not just grieve for the short period of my life – I grieve the millions of prostituted women and girls who were made nameless and made to disappear over many centuries.

I do not just grieve those prostituted women and girls from my culture or background – but from all countries, all cultures and all traditions.

The grief I hold comes from the knowledge that my prostituted spirit is interconnected with all the prostituted.

To remember the disappeared and murdered prostituted women and girls, we must open ourselves up to a rage that demands real justice.

We can have a rage that is not always made rational or told to calm down – a rage without human words, a rage only the arts can express, a rage that is the howling of our souls.

To truly understand and to be an abolitionist – you must not be afraid of this rage, for it is a deep spur to justice.

We must rage at the total of justice that all the prostituted class live inside.

How can we not rage that all the prostituted are stripped of basic human rights to safety, to having human dignity, to be given the right to have a humanity and not made into goods?

How can we not rage that most of the prostituted lived in an environment where torture, constant rapes and deaths are their norm?

How can we not rage that most societies do not care to see or know that the prostituted are murdered or made to disappear?

Rage pushes our demand for justice – for without justice the pain and grief can never leave us.

Justice must be made a reality – there has too many centuries without justice, too many dead and destroyed prostituted women and girls without justice, too much trauma without justice.

We must take our time and force our way towards justice.

I see a start coming, but this start must be grabbed hold or it will abandoned the prostituted again.

The start is the recognition that the focus should on the men who buy the prostituted – the start is confronting their choices and sense of entitlement.

When we look at the punters we a clear eye, we see there is never an excuse for buying the prostituted.

Each man who makes the choice to buy a prostitute is buying goods not a human, that is the bottom line.

In buying goods, the punter comes to believe it is impossible to harm, rape, torture or really murder the prostitute – all his actions are nothing being done to nobody.

For real justice – we must confront and punish these punters.

We must draw a line in the sand, and show these men that they are rapists, they are torturers and if they kill the prostitute – they are murderers.

We must stop making excuses for punters, we must stop making punters invisible.

That is the start to true justice.

If anyone wants to help with ideas for memorials – then please contact me, pm me on twitter or facebook or this blog for my email.


15 responses to “An Invitation

  1. The thing is that too many prostituted women and girls are made to vanish – for they not recorded and become nameless.


  2. There is such a memorial here. I don’t favour this type of effort becasue I’d rather we put our money and energy to stopping prostitution. Women have very little money, and are so stretched for our time and enerby. This is not to say what happened to the women should be forgotten, but it’s like cancer “awareness” efforts: We’re aware, let’s put our limited energies to ending it.


  3. River, I think you misunderstanding why we are planning memorials. It is a central part of fighting for abolition, and is much more than just remembering, and much more about allowing emotions and a a more spiritual edge to the movement. It is about allowing rage and grief to have some language – and to encourage artists and others to express about why we need abolition from many different angles. I respect that you do not want to be involved, but do not make out we are just this for simplistic reasons.


  4. I undersood those were your reasons, and I’m not calling them simplistic. I’m saying, they do not achieve anything and give the public a way to say “there I did something” and forget about it. This category of “thing” includes statues, artifacts in museums, and names on plaques. There is emotion and truth in the making, often, but we need more than catharsis and awareness.


  5. On December 6 in Toronto there is an annual memorial held for all women victims of violence and all of the names of women are put on temporary gravestone markers. All women who died violently at the hands of men since December 6, 1989 are named (and if not known they are named anonymous). This vigil is held to commemorate the Montreal Massacre.

    It is a moving ceremony. I would encourage my English sisters to start one annually in your towns and cities.The number of gravestone markers grows annually 😦


  6. Orla – I know about the Toronto memorial, and that with other memorials to women and girls murdered is part of our inspiration.
    I want this to about the prostituted who are made to disappear or are murdered, for most are nameless and their lives and deaths are not recorded. This is the true horror of how the sex trade works – it makes the prostituted into goods in life, and nothing in death.


  7. I think this is a wonderful idea and it’s very needed! I’ve expanded my activism with the survivors of murder victims into this as I see a need there. However, I feel a need to say what I do because to not I can’t live with considering what this blog is about. I’ve been involved in the prostitution debate for the past few years and a reason for this is I’m what I call a “sex volunteer”. I help men out sexually at no literal charge. I personally hate prostitution but am for it being decriminalized. I never want any part of it unless there’s literally no other jobs and no other way to live. This is one of the reasons I give my help at no literal cost as I don’t want any part of that system. Also I believe no one should ever have to pay for sex and that sex should be no problem to get for ALL who want it (including women) except for rapists and pedophiles. I don’t help women out anymore because of my religious beliefs. I’ve read up on BOTH sides of the prostitution debate in order to get the full picture and am currently in the process of leaving a pro-prostitution blog that I “came out” on. By “came out” I mean not hiding being a sex volunteer and other things in this area of my life. I won’t hide anymore and would rather be dead than go back to hiding. I also put my real name on my posts. I find the things that go on within this debate to be horrible and wrong. Examples are: saying women who once did prostitution but got out of it because they hated it, etc., are automatically liars and/or not real (i.e., are fake and are paid by groups against prostitution), have their full addresses, names, etc., put out on the Internet without their permission and get sworn and screamed at. Also the lies about the women like me: we have no and/or not enough self-respect/self-esteem; we love to be home wreckers; we’re “too risky” to date at all; we’re full of STD’s; we’re not “brave enough” to be full prostitutes and we’re willfully and/or literally too stupid to charge for sex. I’ve been speaking against these lies for a while now and will be expanding that work. I’ve been an activist for the surviving family/friends of murder victims for over 20 years and would like to offer what help I can to this project. I’ve done a little bit of writing about being this type of survivor myself and would be glad to share that. A LOT of education is still needed in this area, but I find it very upsetting to read online statement that “no one” cares about murdered prostitutes. The truth is there’s always been people who care about ALL murder victims but overall things could be done better with certain groups. One of these groups is prostitutes. Another is what I named “interfamily survivors”. But, this doesn’t mean no one has ever cared. I want to show that there’s more people that care than are known about. Also, I’m very sorry for the horrible things you’ve been through. I won’t be any part of the mentality that stories like yours shouldn’t be believed automatically. I admire how you’ve done recovery work and one reason for that is I’ve done a lot of it also and know how it can literally save your life. I hope my offer of helping how I can will be accepted but if it isn’t I can understand that and wish all the best with this project.


  8. I’m saying, they do not achieve anything and give the public a way to say “there I did something” and forget about it. This category of “thing” includes statues, artifacts in museums, and names on plaques.-Dear River, sorry, but these things can and do make a difference. If they didn’t then why do people want plaques taken down? This happened to a plaque with murder victims’ names that was put up in Texas in the US (I was a small part of that project). These things can reach people in ways that we may not ever know about. We have to TRY. We have to do what we can do. If we give into the “gloom and doom” pushed by what I call the “world system” (gag) then nothing will ever change. The smallest things can reach people. I know this from activism work with the survivors of murder victims. Please give new projects a chance before writing them off.


  9. Since I’m not yet on Twitter, here’s a link to a memorial kept by the wonderful group Parents of Murdered Children: POMC sometimes takes this memorial around the US which is a great way to educate people (which, unfortunately, is needed). I suggest this type of memorial and it could be smaller than the POMC one if needed (because of cost). I want to thank you for leaving my posts up when I wrote about being for decriminalization of prostitution and also being what I call a “sex volunteer”. The way I see this issue is all need to work together on it. If you’re for a memorial for these women that doesn’t automatically mean you should be put in some kind of what I call “safe little category box”, i.e. everyone has to agree with everyone on it all. A way higher priority is educating about these women, giving them attention, etc. I’ve been told in the past that those who are against prostitution being decriminalized wouldn’t want anything to do with me because I’m a “sex volunteer”, for decriminalization, etc. So far this hasn’t happened. I’m glad for that.


  10. Pingback: An Invitation « rmott62 | We Deserve The Same

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