The Killer In Me

In memory of Aileen Wournoes


Yesterday, one prostituted woman who killed was given a reprieve.

This is wonderful, but it does stop the everyday violence done to the prostituted worldwide.

Every moment of every day, a prostituted female is being tortured, serially raped and too often murdered, and that is non-news.

But if one prostituted female cannot bare the trauma any more and fight back, if she kills a punter or a sex trade profiteers – then there a fury to punish her for daring to protect herself.

Well, what surprises me is that the vast majority of prostituted females do not kill, do not beat up punters, do not attack sex trade profiteers.

This is truama, this engrained terror, this is lack of hope.

Inside the vast majority of prostituted women and girls, there is a killer wanting to come out.

How can it not be when living inside constant torture, erosion of Selfhood and the moment by moment threat of death?

Inside the prostituted soul is a desire for punishment, for pain to be place on all the men who make the choice to buy or sell her as sexual goods.

Everytime as punters force their porn-dreams into her, she can imagine his lifeless body and try not to smile.

Hell, how often did I fake sex noises or movements whilst dreaming of putting some of pain into the scum that was paying to rape me.

That is normal and a survival mechanism for the prostituted – but we rarely act on our murderous dreams.

We are better than the sex trade profiteers, better than the punters, and better than all those who support the sex trade.

We do not throw away the men who raped us, the men who torture us, who murdered our prostituted Sisters.

Unlike the punters who do all this violence, and throw into the trash when they are bored.

We do not make other humans into sexual goods, with no human rights, cut off from all those who could love them or give them back dignity.

That is left to the sex trade profiteers to do with few if any consequences.

We do not hide beside the language of sex work, claiming prostitution must be the answer to female poverty, saying all work is slavery so why worry, and stating it must better than being a cleaner.

No that honour goes to the sex work lobby – made up of mainly white middle-class women who have never experienced prostitution in the raw, but think they know better than exited women.

I am furious that every day in every continent the prostituted are allowed to be sunk into Hell.

When is truly reported about the everyday torturing that is what makes prostitution?

Is not being serially raped, anally abused, gang-raped, forced to be in porn, being keep on the point of death, and all others abuses punters feel entitled to do – is that not the fundamentals of torture?

Is this torturing not one of the largest human rights emergency known to all human history?

No, we choose to make this horror invisible, and by blaming the prostituted we allow    the punters and the sex trade to get away with literal murder.

We brush away all talk, all reporting and recording of the everyday murders of the prostituted females.

Every place or culture that normalises the sex trade is guilty of allowing these murders to be made unimportant.

If you are a prostituted female is is rare to live till your 27th year, for the death rates are at the least 12 to 20 times higher than females of a similar background.

That is to state that almost every country is the world has piles of murdered prostituted females that are made to disappeared.

They are unnamed, unremembered and tossed away.

But when one prostituted woman react to her living hell by killing a punter or sex trade profiteers – that is newsworthy, that is shocking and that must be punished with the full force of the law.

Is that not hypocrisy?

Mr Big Stuff

As I listen to Christmas Soul, Mr Big Stuff comes back on, and I think of my Christmases as a prostituted woman, think of the arrogance of punters buying any prostituted woman in these holidays.

Most punters who consume over the Christmas period are rich, are in family units, and want to pour violence into the prostituted.

Yes, these punters are scum, and traitors to their families.

When inside prostitution, Christmas can mean nothing – it is the main reason I have reinvented Christmas for myself and make a happy in the presence time.

In prostitution, the punter demand can grow, and often it be a throwing away of their money for access to no consequences torturing and raping.

I know these men hide their violence, thinking it is nothing of importance for it only to the prostituted, who are never seen as humans with basic rights.

In a true Christmas spirit, we must hold in our hearts what is happening to the prostituted.

See the torture reframe as consensus sex.

See the rapes made invisible by the exchange of money or goods.

See the hate that fuels each and every man who makes the choice to consume the prostituted.

See the sex industry and its minions named sex work lobby, that only speaks for more profits, punters and keeping the unsafe status quo of prostitution – having no interest in the welfare and rights of any of the prostituted.

See it in your neighbourhood, see it is a global emergency.

This Christmas imagine a worl with no prostitution.

A world with generations of men and women unable to understand why we thought buying and selling of humans for male orgasms was seen as a good idea.

A world where slowly we see all women as fully formed human, not sexual goods.

A world where porn is throw into a deep pit, as we learn how wonderful fully consensual and equal sex can be.

This Christmas, I hope more people join me in fighting for abolition, that is my wish.



I moved to Devon last October, and my work went into a hiatus. I hope that soon, post-Christmas, I will get back into work.

I needed to stop, to slow down for my mental welfare was shattered.

Being in a small town has changed me in so many positive ways, and I want my loyal followers to know some of those changes.

I am calmer, happier and finally believe that I have a real home.

Being close to my sister is wonderful, of course we have sisterly grumpy times, and need our own space – but to get back my sister is the best thing in my life.

I love being an aunt to adult nephews and nieces, it such an honour to be part of their growing into brilliant people.

I have been able to renew friendship with other relations, and find that I am a family person, just not with my mother – and that is fine.

I was getting mentally disturbed in Manchester, coz I was isolated and could switch off from prostitution issues and my grief round that.

My move to Tavistock has ease my mind to think in many different directions.

Nature, landscape and the quiet life is the norm in Tavistock.

I can see the edges of the moors from my flat, can see a woods ful of crow’s nests, see amazing sunsets.

Tavistock is very traditional, with seasonal food, a pannier market, many local shops.

It is very old-fashioned about Christmas, which makes so happy.

The lights are simple and elegant, there is a Dickens night, and lots of community plays.

I have learn to go walking, especially canal and river walks. I go into town to relax every day, maybe not Saturdays and Sundays.

I am becoming a country type, a Devonian – there are loads of eccentric folks here.

Finally, in Tavistock they are able to offer help long-term round mental health, I have a befriender who is non-judgemental and I really like.

I hope to get to be back campaigning soon, I am getting there.

Never Be Safe Enough

I thought I would write about how prostitution can never be made safe or even safe enough to be framed as a job. Instead the conditions of prostitution is the definition of slavery or trafficking.

The sex work lobby will endlessly claimed that only some tinkering will transform the sex trade into a caring employer- who will have deep concern for the physical, sexual and mental welfare of all the prostituted.

This is a horrific lie, which is recruite and brainwash the vulnerable into the sex trade.

It is a lie for the purpose of prostitution is turn the vulnerable, mainly females, into subhuman sexual goods.

That is to break down the woman physically, mentally and sexually by violence, by hate and by degradation.

In that environment there can never be a safe form of prostitution, or a safe place to be prostituted.

See what prostitution is. See it through the eyes of punters. See what is demanded from those punters.

Punters are not demanding sex – they are demanding the right to fully control and dominate the prostituted.

In their porn-fuelled minds, it become their right to rape, torture or kill the prostituted- for it not a human that is harmed, just goods that he is consuming.

How in that environment can prostitution ever be made safe.

It is not laws that makes prostitution unsafe. It is the mythical stigma that makes the prostituted unsafe – it is the entitlement of the punters that are danger.

There is nothing abstract about the violence and hate that these punters do – see that pain, terror and cutting away of humanity in every prostituted woman that has been invaded by their poison.

The serial rapes of the prostituted is real.

We know rape is horrific, may be worse than murder, for death could be a release.

We comfort or fight for justice when a woman is raped once – but when a prostituted woman is raped beyond remembrance that she can remain human. Raped by punters in the thousands, raped till she all as one face – raped till she loses connection to her own body.

The prostituted woman is raped so many times and with such sickening violence, that it is made to unspeakable – being unspoken it is unrecorded and unreported, making punter violence invisible.

It is normal for the prostituted to be used to living with torture.

Usually this torture is extreme, everything from gang raping to waterboarding. Every form of torture is placed into the minds and bodies of the prostituted.

The prostituted have all form of torturing rehearsed into their bodies, we have known all evils that porn said can be done to women – it is embedded in every cell of the prostituted.

Lastly, the violence ends with high levels of deaths of the prostituted. These are deaths through suicide, through ill health or through being murdered by punters.

The murders are made nothing, as they are rarely recorded or reported.

The prostituted are made to disappear with no written evidence that they ever existed.

Our deaths have importance – just trash to be tossed away.

So how can prostitution ever be safe.

Wake up, and stop this violence and hate.

The Money is Not Consent

This post is made to confront the lie that the prostituted can give full consent.

Most if not all punters do not care if the prostitute can consent or not, his view is he buying sexual goods, so that object cannot consent just serve his desires.

This is the conditions of slavery, at the best it a terrible power dynamics, at the worst the prostituted become disposable.

The laying down of money or exchange of goods does not equals consent, but ownership and the closing down of all human rights for the prostituted.

This is rape, this is torture – and this is just fantasy made real.

This a very short post, but there many more lies and propaganda of the sex work lobby that I will confront.

Cannot Unhear

I have spoken out against mainly indoors prostitution and the impact of trauma on Exited women for many years.

I have found once someone hears in fullness that it is an issue of human rights, and not of choice or work experience – once that goes fully in the reader or listener, they can never again use the language of sex work, or the propaganda of the sex trade lobby.

I write mostly for exited women, and for women trapped in the sex trade, but holding on to the dream of leaving for good.

I also write for the mass of women and men who are on the fence about the sex trade, write for folks who have doubts but no language to express their thoughts.

I have no interest in changing the sex trade/work lobby, for they are embedded in believing women like are subhuman and should have no voice.

In the view of this lobby, exited prostituted women should not exist – we should dead, mentally destroyed and voiceless.

Our existence, our endless resistance, our determination and our truths is the largest threat to the sex trade.

We are the multiple trumpets that will bring the wall of Jericho.

No-one can believe the multiple voices and their witnessing of the tortures, the endless disappearances/murders, the mental breaking down of vulnerable females, the exploitation of all racism/economic inequalities/previous abuse/and all forms of hate that is the common pushes into the sex trade – and not want abolition.

The voices of exited women is the revolution, we know the root and all the branches of how to destroy the sex trade.

No wonder the sex work lobby spends so much energy attacking and silencing our words – we are not dead, being alive we will remember and speak truth to power.

Exited women have been to hell, so can fight without fear, for nothing can be as bad as having men use as their sex toy – not one or even 59 men, but usually so many men they have no face, background or name.

These men are just johns, punters and clients – for they are not human as they just wank into our living bodies.

Each and every punter is a criminal, for each is making a choice to consume a slave, making a choice to ignore her mental/sexual/physical for his selfish needs.

The vast majority of punters will do extreme violence, and the throw the prostitute away.

Most punters go many times, most will consume several prostitutes.

The more a punter make that choice to consume a prostitute, the more likely he is to view her as subhuman and therefore see no issue in using violence and control.

His consumption is nothing to with sex – it is an act of control, violence and hate, it is the conditions of slavery/trafficking.

That is not sex, that is not work.

That is an human rights emergency.

So, listen to all exited women – and join the revolution.

A Room with Dead Money

This is written for anyone who imagine that prostitution is not rape.

That the exchange of money or goods equates with consent.

I will write to ordinary conditions of indoors prostitution, as I write to street prostitution for that was not my experiences. But know all prostitution is surrounded by male violence.

All prostitution can turn quickly into rape – think would sleep with that man If was not being paid, and would he not feel so entitled if he considered the prostitute to be fully human.

Rape is just the tip of huge iceberg of male violence that forms prostitution – in reality, rape is too light a word for the constant mental/physical/sexual torturing that is definition of prostitution.

I can speak to my personal experiences, and speak beside my prostituted sister’s who told me of tortures in their bones.

Please read, and try to make excuses for the institution of the sex trade.

To be raped – in the legal sense of penetration of the vagina/anus/mouth – is the norm is all prostitution.

After all, most whores are considered to three holes and two hands – with no sense that she is a full human, just a fuck-tool for punters to consume and sex trade profiteers to milk for money.

Often penetration is a small relief, for it may prevent worse humiliation and violence, but sometimes with the richer punters in indoors prostitution they just go on longer with no interference.

It is then the porn violence begins, it is then that the prostitute forgets hopes and deadens all human emotions.

Every torture seed on political prisoners is rehearse on the prostituted.

I have been waterboarded in baths and toilets with the added bonus of anus rapes.

I have pulled at in my vagina, anally raped up against a wall with legs tight together.

Been beaten till unconscious, been raped so painfully I lose how to breathe.

I have been gang-raped till I forget that I exist.

Every cell of my body knows rape and torture – that was my gift from the sex trade.

I am just an example of what it is to be prostituted – there nothing unique about that amount of violence, it is the norm of all prostitution.

So say loud and that prostitution is rape and should be top of the Me Too agenda.


In the Wilderness

How can words fit trauma? How does language speak to surviving prostitution?

I have written and spoken word for over a decade, and still the granite scream that is  that life is speakless in my stomach.

I cannot know peace without justice, not the smallness of individual – but the justice for all the prostituted class.

Trauma will never move if there is no justice – that is understood by the tortured, the racially oppressed, the enslaved.

The prostituted demand justice – but our voices constantly seemed to be sent to the wilderness.

Our voices are silenced, patronised and put on the back burner – all coz it has been decided we are not oppressed but empowered.

The prostituted are not seen just imagined.

There is rarely a space for the prostituted to be seen as fully human.

We are seen as the Happy Whore, seen as the eternal victim, seem as the liberated feminist, seen as lost trafficked female, seen as good or bad – but never seen as a fully complex human being.

Often, our allies view us as sub-human, keeping us as the endless victim.

This often means we cannot speak politics, just be pigeonholes as individual sad stories.

Our fury, our ability to see the causes of male violence and hate, our insights into trauma, our sense of connections in time/cultures and coping mechanisms for all the prostituted- all this is dismissed.

We are the experts of discovering ways to destroyed the sex trade – but all that is tossed into the wilderness.

I despair at this lack of respect, for exited women have deep wisdoms that could help  build a better world for women and men.

We are prophets trying to get out of the wilderness.



Big Plan

I have wanted to have a conference that highlights the multiple voices of exited women from all aspects of the sex trade for several years now.

I see this as something that can and will be made real, especially would if based outside a capital city, in say Bristol for instance.

To make this real, I am sending this post to women who are leaders as exited folks, or women who have strong Abolitionist ideas.

This is a long-term and ambition plan, which cannot be done alone but in a team, especially as international views would be essential.

I am tired of exited women being used as token speakers, tired of our expertises being seen as secondary, tired of the waste of great speakers and writers.

I do not believe there can real change until all exited women’s voices are the backbone of the Abolitionist movement.

We have deep understandings of the causes and justifications of male violence and hatred of women.

We speak to the realities of all forms of prostitution – our voices speak to the truth that there can no such as a safe place for prostitution – for there is no safety when men are entitled to buy and sell the prostituted as a class.

We speak of conditions in all prostitution that is the definition of trafficking and often slavery.

We expose the lies and propaganda of the sex work lobby.

That is just a small part of my ambitions for a conference.

I am writing this post to request help and support to push this forward.

I would love women to help raise ideas about who to invite and how to raise money to pay them.

I need help in thinking of what should discuss, especially if links with other countries.

I need help in how find a site for the conference, and raising funds for the conference.

I need help in reaching out to as many women as possible.

Please contact me privately either here or no Twitter, and I give ways to be in touch.



Harder They Fall

Revenge is sweet is said – for the prostituted revenge is in the far distance, but in this post I write to a route there.

Revenge is inside every word I speak or write in my work.

I see punters and sex trade profiteers. I see the sex work lobby. I see so-called anti-trafficking groups exploiting the prostituted. I see liberal feminists. I see the brothers  of the Left. I see and know all excuses made for the continence of the sex trade.

All that is in the line of my sweet revenge.

I line up any and everyone who refuses to name prostitution as violence and of itself. There can be no excuses made, just a fight to end all prostitution at its root.

I see those who refuse to know that all prostitution is rape and the conditions of sexual slavery.

Those who say it is a service, those who say money equals to consent, those who name it as sex work, those whose imagined prostitution is an empowered choice.

I see you and name you as traitors to the prostituted.

Know as you speak to your porn fantasy – that punters and sex trade profiteers are killing, raping, mentally abusing and killing the semblance of humanity in millions of the prostituted.

There is no such thing as a safe way to be prostituted, there is no access to free and empowered choice in the world of prostitution – there only moments of less pain, confusion and terror.

To be prostituted is to kill all memories of hope and sense of Self.

How can that be classed as a free choice?

So, I now choose to be an Abolitionist.

I fight not for my past, that cannot be change, but Hell is can become a learning push for radical change.

I use my past to be a witness to a small aspect of the sex trade, using my past as example of the common grinding down of the Self that is the keystone to the sex trade.

I write from a place of fury, this comes from deep grief, but mostly from a space of fighting for justice for every prostitute from the beginning of time to now.

Justice is not harm reduction, justice is not decriminalisation, justice is hiding prostitution behind closed doors.

Justice is destroying all the sex trade root and branch, justice is making every punter know he is a criminal, justice is having exiting programmes that are long-term and holistic, justice is a world where prostitution is unimaginable.

That is why I say the Nordic Nordic is the first step to true justice and freedom for the prostituted.

The route to justice must be built on the words and truths of those of us who have survived and exited the sex trade.

Our truths are varied -but all will destroyed the sex trade at it roots.

We speak to the planned and organised violence that is prostitution, we speak to how ordinary punters are, we speak to the high rates of disappearances and deaths in the whole of the sex trade, we speak to how porn and torture is rehearsed inside all the prostituted before going into the “real world”.

The exited hold the atomic bomb that will destroy all excuses, all the lies, all the propaganda that hold up the sex trade.

Listen to the Exited and then you truly are in the revolution that is what abolition is.

Vida la Revolution.