Contradiction in Terms

This post is written for feminists – to say it is a contradiction in terms to call being inside the sex trade sex work.

This post is a rallying call to stop saying is a labour issue.

This post is saying to all feminists to go deeper into the emotional deadness that is the backbone of all aspects of existing inside the sex trade.

I am and always will be a feminist, a feminist of old-fashioned Dworkinist kind, feminist that believes in learning by listening hard, a feminist who find too much feminism is too timid.

We are too timid to take the measure of the sex trade and to confront by any means.

There is no more direct action against porn and sex trade – just endless conferences, blogs that tend to be read by those who agree with us, and the inaction of Twitter and Facebook “debates”

We are too timid to say and speak the conditions for the prostituted class – especially timid to speak to their common torturing, timid to stare down into their emotional void.

It has become like Andrea Dworkin and her like never existed.

Could it be that the “discovery” that Andrea Dworkin was prostituted, was able to speak to the unique deadness of being inside that world – meant her words were and can be dismissed.

For the history of rebellion against the sex trade has always been about never allowing the voices of those who know the inside of existing that world being made to disappear.

There has always been women and men who have exited the sex trade who have spoken out against it.

Always our voices are silenced, are taken over to fit other’s agendas, has been dismissed as individual stories or signs that all the prostituted are mentally damaged.

The language of rebellion and striving for full human is part of all the prostituted – for we have known genocide, know extreme physical and mental torture, know nothing to us is personal is just commerce.

Our multiple voices can never fit your agendas, never be push back to just facts and statistics, never be truly heard until you can hold and truly heard our haunted emotions.

I write now to feminists, but of this about all our allies.

To hear and be a true ally to exited women is to learn to less timid about hearing dark emotions.

We are angry – but not the simple angry of now, it is an angry of nearly the whole of human history being built on the concept that having a prostituted class is reasonable.

It is an anger of knowing how huge that is – that we cannot just look to our time, place and culture and think solves prostitution and porn.

The sex trade has been embedded in most of this world for the minimum of 3000 years – it is not Western/Eastern thing, is it not a Christian/Muslim/Jewish/Buddhist/Sikh/Atheist thing, it not Fascist/Communist/Capitalist thing – it is part of all of them.

But it is about the male entitlement thing that all male-formed religious and political systems have.

That is why the sex trade can embed itself into the vast minority of cultures or ways that people are controlled by religion or politics. For it can fit in with most cultures which were formed for the benefit of powerful men.

The sex trade is a parasite who go under the skin of every culture and slowly sucks it dry.

In the end, since at the minimum of 3000 years it can be almost impossible to separate the wants and greed of the sex trade from what is considered any individual culture, individual religious/political ways of controlling, or even what make any country stand out.

The skill of the sex trade is to make itself acceptable and view as harm-free by adapting to the culture wherever they see a new market.

That is our anger – the anger of seeing what others make invisible or walk by.

We are grieving.

Our grief is partly the grief of never understanding why we survived, when it is just a fact that the vast majority of the prostituted disappear, lose their minds or are dead.

We have survivor guilt and grief – but we are given no space to speak to that.

I cannot understand a feminism that does allow the prostituted to grieve – to speak to that sense of chance that is surviving the sex trade.

I have seen the grief express round rape in feminism, seen the grief of domestic violence inside feminism, even the grief of childhood abuse laid bare in feminism.

But the grief of the prostituted is made to be small, made that it must stay controlled and always to be acceptable to others.

I am sorry to say this is keeping the prostituted as sub-humans who are not allowed to feel like other women.

Our grief is huge – but your fear of our expression of that grief does not make it smaller.

I want feminism to be less afraid of staring into the darkness of what it is and was to be prostituted.

I cannot understand any form of feminism that is not prepared to learn, and to be quiet enough to hear exited women.

After all, we are witnesses to what male violence and control is.

We are and were at the coal-face of patriarchy.

We know in our bodies, in the killing of our emotions, in becoming sub-human – what it is to owned and manipulated by pure male power and sense of entitlement.

We know without any doubt that all male sexual violence is never accidental, or an one-off, or some mental slip – it is planned and an act of power done by very ordinary men.

We have live being sub-human – being holes to masturbated into, being a mouth/anus to be penetrated, to being a piece of meat to fuck until dead or made nothing.

You cannot understand the reality of being prostituted until you know beyond facts what it is to be brought and sold, what it is to be sexual goods that are passed around.

You cannot understand our realities if you do factor in grooming, the skill of all punters/consumers and sex trade profiteers to mentally break down the prostituted.

You will never understand the sex trade if you do see how they can control their sexual goods – often till the point that it the oppressed who become recruiters.

I believe for feminism to move with exited women – it need more courage.

We need to give less space to trolls who are mostly sex trade profiteers or punters.

These trolls don’t listen to anything that feminists or abolitionists say – all they want is tangle us up in endless “debates” that go nowhere, hoping to grind us down or at the least prevent the practical work of forging abolition going forward.

Feminists need to stop speaking over or for the exited women, especially to stop using our ideas and words and saying you invented them.

Feminists should not treat resistance to the sex trade as something new – but know it built on a long and very noble legacy.

Feminists should be so scare of looking in the void of what it was and is to be in the prostituted class.

I want to get back the courage that I call the spirit of Dworkin, the spirit of every Whore who woke up and saw her reality.

So If It Was Bad – How Come You’re Alive Then?

This is an unanswerable question which is always asked of those of us somehow survived the sex trade.

It is unanswerable for we do not know.

Do not know when so many strong and vibrant friends, and folks we did not know were destroyed by the sex trade.

Do not know how we survived many near-death experiences.

Do not know how we woke each morning after many hours of mental, sexual and physical torture.

Do not know how we survived our many suicide attempts.

All we know it against all that was thrown at us we lived.

That should be seen as heroic – there should parades, fireworks, a day of memorial and celebration for all the prostituted.

But our survival is greeted with silence, with embarrassment, with a conscious turning away from any message we bring with us.

For we should have never survived – never of lived, never of remember what it was to be prostituted, never been alive with a voice and the will to make others listen to learn.

The harsh fact of the silencing, ignorance and closing of those of us who have exited the sex trade is we cannot be allowed to be alive enough have a voice.

This is shown on so many levels – whether by the usual suspects of those who benefit in the continence of sex trade, but also by folks who say they are allies of us.

It is shown every time there are records of murders of females – where there is no mentions of the many murdered prostituted women and girls, no mention of those murdered in the porn industry.

These deaths are made invisible, made unimportant – if mentioned mostly as an afterthought to “normal” domestic violence murders.

But – the murders of the prostituted class is happening everywhere, every day, maybe every half hour of every day.

It is considered that women inside the sex trade are at the minimum 12 times more likely to die a violent death that women of similar age and background – it may as much as 20 times more likely.

If it considered that women may dies at least 2 a week from domestic violence – then try to imagine 12-20 times that number.

But this genocide goes on, for the prostituted are never alone to be human enough for their lives to matter.

That means to murder a prostitute is made into a non-event – it becomes just the throwing away of the trash.

The deaths of the prostituted are mostly unreported. If reported, all too often she is made nameless.

If the murdered prostitute is allowed to have a name, her life is narrow down to “just another dead whore”.

The message is clear – we should not mourn the murdered prostituted, that grief should be for “real” women.

Death was the norm when we were inside prostitution.

We learnt that our lives meant nothing – so most of the prostituted grow hardened to the idea of death.

Sometimes the only reminder that we were alive, was finding we could still feel pain or get moments of grief – or even some connection to what it was to be happy.

To have emotions was terrifying – but they were vital to send signals that there more to life than being buried in the sex trade.

Emotions needed to be controlled – for all too often, sex trade profiteers and punters used any sign that we were still human against us.

To show fear encourage more violence.

To cry was to be laughed at, was to made to cry by yet more violence.

To laugh at the ridiculousness of it all was to be punished.

To be quiet was not to put the punter at the centre of everything.

To show anger was placed yourself in grave danger.

To want to protect yourself would make a danger to the sex trade, so you will be thrown away.

I always laugh with bitter tears remembering that deadening all emotions became the way I survived how bad it was.

Often the real meaning of “if it was so bad, how come you’re alive then?” is – why did you do nothing to run away, or report the violence.

Again this very hard to answer, yes there is a surface of easy answers of not knowing how to report, being taught to trust no-one outside the sex trade, not knowing anywhere was safe to run to – but the real answers are deeper and far more tragic.

Most of us who were trapped inside the sex trade have no clear answers is why we did not run – for to be honest, many of us did run away only to find we landed straight back into the hell of the sex trade.

Running away is very hard if you don’t where or who you are running – sometimes going back to what you think you might understand seems the only solution.

It must be been seen that the vast majority of those inside the sex trade comes from backgrounds or experiences that have taught them that they are less than human – and the skill of the sex trade and its profiteers to keep them as sub-human.

Look at the prostituted class and what do you see.

You will see the majority have experienced childhood abuse.

You will see that indigenous and ethnic minorities women overwhelm who is made into the prostituted.

You will see all man-made disasters – wars, famine, poverty etc – are used to recruit the prostituted.

You will see that the sex trade market is about young flesh – under-aged prostitution is the norm not some perversion.

And you will see that the sex trade will prey on all women and girls – for there a market for everything from posh white schoolgirl to Asians in saunas, from high-class escort to street-based prostitute.

The sex trade never will get tired of exploiting and oppressing the prostituted – and by ignoring their violence, you become part of the problem.

 

Adapting to Hell

I am exhausted by the constant refrain that prostitution is not an issue because many of the prostituted may say they are happy in the world of the sex trade.

I find unsurprising that many women inside prostitution would say – but what saddened is how their word is taken on the surface.

It is almost like the only many want to hear is the voices of the Happy Hooker, or the prostitute who speak to a script that means outsiders do not have to be concern about conditions for the prostituted.

It is very hard for me not to be cynical, as see no analysis of why a prostitute may say she is fine, no interest in her past or if she has any future.

The words of the Happy Hooker is fossilised and kept under glass.

She is kept struck in a time – the time she under the control of a punter, the time when the sex trade can pour poison into her.

The time without hope, the time without contact with reality, the time where all thoughts have to vanish.

And you make the choice to take her at her word.

Do you purposely ignore that there is mental abuse in every aspect of the sex trade?

Do you purposely frame sexual violence inside the sex trade as non-events or play-acting?

Do you purposely decide in a random fashion that if a prostitute is paid – then that must be her full consent to being made into sexual goods?

Tell why you choose to believe beyond evidence, beyond common sense and ignoring the real – that a prostitute must be happy and independent just coz her word.

I worked in Women’s Aid, and expected battered women to say over and over that they loved their abuser, that with work they could stop the violence, that everything would be fine.

I know many women or girls raped by a man they knew well or lived with – heard many times how it was an accident, that it must have been something she did.

I have read accounts of kidnapped victims who adapt so much they think the kidnapper is the only person who can care for them.

I know many survivors of torture adapt by blocking out the bad and clinging hold tight to any good that comes their way.

It is normal to adapt to hell if there appears to no end, no hope, so thoughts that the outside cares if you are alive or dead.

If you can see and understand the battered, woman, the incested child, the soldier in the front-line, or those tortured for their beliefs will adapt by saying they are fine.

You know to question their words, and not see just the surface smile, but looks for embedded suffering.

Why then do you do the same for the prostituted?

I would say it is wilful ignorance that is being a bystander to the daily genocide of the prostituted class.

It is like you are a toddler, who thinks if you shut your eyes tight enough then nothing bad can ever happen.

You refuse to see the ordinary sexual violence that is prostitution – instead you name it sex work, say it must be ok for it chosen, say all the violence is just acting out.

You refuse to see the deaths and disappearances that destroy the concept that like any other job, maybe a wee bit more dangerous.

Refuse to know that it is common that the prostituted are killed or died before they 27. That the known murders of the prostituted is estimated to 12 to 20 times more than women or girls of similar age or background.

How many jobs do you know where murder is just considered to work risk.

I know many jobs where working conditions are life-threatening – but that is not murder, it is either accidental or manslaughter.

I do not know of many or any jobs where rape is the job, where all sexual violence or harassment is just what your role is.

I do not think miners, deep-sea fishermen, workers in fast-food expect on a regular basic to be anally raped, to forced to deep-throat, and to smile when in sexual agony.

All this sexual, mental and sexual abuse of the prostituted is hidden in plain view – and let’s be honest to not see that hell is a choice.

So wake and smell the coffee – learn to see below the image of the Happy Hooker.

Learn to open your heart to compassion, your mind to empathy.

Learn that the prostituted have to adapt to survive – so maybe the word of the Happy Hooker is just voice of the sex trade, leaving an empty shell.

It your job to go below those words, and find the human in every prostitute that is screaming –

 

There must be more – more than this Hell.

You Are No Man

This is post is addressed to all the men who make the choice to pay for sex, and imagined themselves to be good men – to even think they deserved the right to seen as men.

I speak from the position of being made sub-human, just because men like you made the choice to buy me for your living porn fantasy.

I am sick and tired off hearing punters/rapists – serial rapists mostly – saying they are not cruel, saying they respect the prostituted, saying they would never be those bad punters on the news or in TV police series.

My body knows each and every time a man makes the choice to buy a prostitute – he, for it well over 95%  men who make the choice to be violent to all the prostituted, be they women, girls, men or boys – he will be violent thinking too often he has done nothing of any importance.

No, you are not a man, not fully human if you make the choice to buy any type of prostitute.

I know and hear all around your excuses, your constant whining, your endless pleas that you are the real victim.

Yes I hear your noise, and know with every cell of my body that remembers that you are a liar.

You, the good punter, are a criminal.

You are a rapist – most of you have raped many prostitutes, and walk away as if nothing had happened.

You all have manipulated and mentally abused the prostituted.

You have feed her/him the lie that all the prostitute is worth is to be body parts to service your sexual greed.

You will constantly pushed the prostitute beyond their sexual, physical and mental levels, and then claim it was their choice or the prostitute has somehow manipulated the punter.

Always you are skilled at making the prostitute blame themselves for their own degradation and pain – always you use your charm and entitlement to say any harm done was some kind of accident.

Only all the good punters create these accidents over and over and over – until all that is left of the prostitute is an empty shell.

No, you are no man, certainly not a good man – for you move on to another prostitute and pour your lies and manipulation into him/her.

But, now some so-called good punters are writing about how persecuted they are, how it so unfair to have or even to think of laws that state clearly they are criminals.

They throw themselves down in a tantrum, smashing their fists on the floors, with fake tears –

“But we are the nice men, we are treat our whores with respect – it’s so unfair!!”

These punters print their whining on the net or the media, they shout it on radio phone-ins – and they even write to those who exited prostitution to express how much they are good men.

They do complain too much.

Well, lets at how good you really are.

First, the classic excuse will come charging in – men have to have sex by any and all means – so for men buying sex is a need and a human right.

So, I am to gather that if you the good punter don’t get sex on demand at all times and all places – that you penis will go green and drop off.

Sex is not a human right – yes equal and consensual sex can be wonderful – but it is a want not need.

A need is water, food and shelter. A need is vital to staying alive and having dignity.

Sex is great, but most of the time it is a form of leisure.

Sorry, Mr Good Punter, you will not die from lack of sex – by the way, have you not heard of masturbation?

But to use the feeble excuse of lack of sex to buy another human to be your sexual slave is unforgivable.

So good punter, you have brought the prostitute and now you own her for as long as your money will last.

Do you know or care that she/he is a full human.

Do you know anything of how the prostitute became prostituted?

Do you see bruises, cuts, track marks or dead eyes – do ignore that, do you pretend it is ok coz you never made those wounds – and do you just get your money worth and feel slight guilt after?

Do you see pimps, bodyguard, locks, more punters wanting for their fuck – and think not my problem?

Do feel a slither of sadness that your prostitute cannot speak the home language – but screw them anyhow?

And you still say you are the good punter – heck you don’t even know what being human is.

You should be in jail – you sadist, you serial rapist, you torturer – not going round justifying your hate and violence.

Just know the most hated punter of all – are the ones who think it was just harmless fun.

War Makes No Difference

At the moment, there is a meeting in London to discuss rapes in war-zones.

This is wonderful, but always when that subject is raise, it seen as an atrocity that is done to civilians, but not all civilians, never the prostituted class.

Wars are no different for the prostituted class than peace-times.

All the time, the prostituted are raped.

All the time, the prostituted are sexually tortured.

All the time, the prostituted are mentally abused until they are made into nothing.

All the time, death is hanging over the prostituted.

There are some differences in war-zones, but only in matter of scale, only in how it is framed.

Inside any long-term war, it is expected that armed forces have their own brothels.

Brothels in peace-times are hell.

Brothels are not a places of empowered “whores” who can choose their clients.

Brothels are not the House of the Rising Sun with happy hookers lounging around waiting for gentlemen to visit.

Brothels are not places to make easy money quickly.

No, even without brothels are built around the degradation of the prostituted.

Brothels are designed to make the prostituted sub-human, into sexual goods that are lined up for punters to pick and choose.

Punters in brothels are not gentlemen, they are not men that even notice the human inside the prostitute.

Most punters are drunk in brothels, even when sober most punters have their minds full of violent porn that they force into the prostitute’s body.

Whether it is peace-time or not, the purpose of any brothel is to let punters create war on the bodies and minds of the prostituted with no intervention or sense that it is a crime.

The major difference of brothels inside war-zones is the scale.

When brothels cater for armed forces mainly, it is anything goes for sexual, mental and physical done to the prostituted.

It is the place where the armed forces can wind down.

Instead of dealing in a serious manner with the trauma inside many of the armed forces, rather than letting the armed stop enough to see the human in every prostitute – brothels are used as an ineffective shot-term solution to burn out in order to get the armed forces to keep fighting without question.

That is why it is labelled as rest and recreation, an euphemism for rape, sexual torture and murder of the prostituted class.

These brothels keep the prostituted locked away from non-sex trade world.

These brothels allow armed forces to gang-rape, to sexually torture and to murder without restriction.

It is a world that rip up human rights, ignore laws – it is it own country, where the prostituted are sacrificed.

In all war-zones, prostitution goes on as it does in peace-time.

There is still access to street prostitutes, still access to escorts on the net, still sex club.

A country may bombed to hell, may have streams of refugees trying to get out, may be driven back to the stone age – but punters whether armed forces or civilians still must have total access to all aspects of the sex trade.

Sickening, it is not rare that sex trade profiteers gravitate to war-zones, for the demand increases.

But is there any mention of this in London – I doubt it very much.

 

Are We Allowed to be Real?

I want to write about porn.

I want to write to the centre of porn, the conditions for the women inside porn.

But, it is so hard for always the debate/conversation about porn is about anything and everything but what it is to be those women.

All the harms of porn are done to women and girls, and some men, outside the porn industry.

It is harmful for children or teenagers to see porn, for it gives an unrealistic view of how sex is done.

If there is violence such as facial, forced anal, gang-rapes, strangulation etc – this is seen as harmful because porn norms are being to “real” women and girls.

It is harmful to users of porn because it kills the emotional connection that is considered to real sex.

This leaves the women inside porn abandoned and isolated.

All conversation/debate round porn always has somewhere  – porn is not real sex, the women in porn are plastic women, it is not real pain for those are actresses – and many other ways of refusing to see the full humanity of the women inside porn.

I try to be polite and patient as often good people say this dehumanising language. But now the screaming inside me is exploding.

Why do so many good people say they are anti-porn, and still keep the women inside as sub-human?

If you look at the violent sexual acts done inside all porn, and think or say, I would hate that done to me, done to my daughter, done to my best friend, even done to any women outside a porn shoot – then why the hell do think it ok when it done to a woman inside porn?

Is she too inhuman to feel pain? Too inhuman to feel degraded?

Can women inside porn not be raped “for real”?

If you do not want sperm sprayed all over your face – why do assume women in porn think it is fun?

If you would allow anal without full permission, especially not with objects, fists, or several penises – why the hell do you think women inside porn do not hate it as much as you would?

If you think of gang-rape with horror and may be one of your deepest fears – then why do imagine women just “enjoy” having gang-rapes for many hours and having to act with a smile?

Women in porn are not just made the Other by porn users or other males – sadly, much of the anti-porn movement keeps these women as Other, so it does not come too close to home.

I was filmed for porn, I was made to act out porn for punters, I had porn thrown at me by punters and sex trade profiteers, and porn was often on in indoors prostitution.

I was made into porn, so I know what damage that is done by making the women inside porn sub-human.

You cannot separate porn from prostitution – for punters are fueled by porn when they choose to buy a prostitute, prostitutes become porn to survive, many prostitute move from brothels to porn shoots and vice versa.

The world of the sex trade is about moving bodies into as many aspects of porn and prostitution as possible. One woman inside the sex trade can be in brothels, a porn shoot, doing street prostitution or in hotels – she has no control or free will, for she made into goods.

I was that human who you refuse to see – and there are many of my Sisters in or exited from porn that are made into nothing by that turning away.

It is not a human being gagged, being doubly/treble anally raped? It is not a human that is being sick, having dead eyes staring out at you?

See the human inside porn – she is not plastic, she is in severe pain, she is beyond terror, she wants to be dead.

See her – and before you speak or write of harms done to “real” women – place the lives, hopes and dreams of all the women inside porn first.

Do Our Deaths Even Matter

Every day in every continent there is a genocide of females inside the sex trade.

Every moment of every day there is a prostituted woman or a woman inside porn who is being sexually, mentally or physically tortured.

Every day girls and women are being forced, coerced, persuaded or told lies to make them enter the sex trade.

This is going all the time – has been going for almost all human history, occurring in all male cultures.

There is nothing new about prostitution – even if some may label it as modern sex slavery, or lie that it just sex work or part of the leisure industry.

It is a genocide and wide-spread male violence that is made to disappear.

The deaths of the prostituted class are of no importance – how can they matter when in life the prostituted are stripped of the right to be human.

Last week, there was a shooting of several females – last week, there was outrage at male violence.

There was scream that men are murdering females on a mass scale everywhere – but as exited woman I hear this outrage, and wonder where it was for the 3000 years of prostituted women and girls being at front-line of male violence and hate.

Do our deaths, rapes and tortures means nothing?

Let me speak of my personal experience of being prostituted, and I know my experience rings bells for most if not all exited.

I live with death as my norm, I grow used to rape, and torture was common.

I live in a world where prostituted would just disappear – maybe to a another and possibly worse aspect of the sex trade, maybe to suicide or deep mental trauma, or maybe murdered and thrown away.

I remember when I still embedded in that world of death and disappearances, reading about the Argentinian Mothers of the Disappeared. I saw their empty scream at having no justice, having body to place their grief onto, having to be in a surreal space between life and death.

I saw their words, saw their reaching towards grief, their frustrated fury – and I was slowly understanding why the prostituted become so empty and wordless as each day women and girls vanish round them.

We are made dumb by death being all around us.

Our silence is not compliance, our silence is never acceptance – no, our silence is a fierce will to somehow survive against the odds.

To be prostituted or inside porn, is to know that death is just the toss of the cards – there is no route to staying alive or being yet another disappeared one.

No, it like being in a line in a concentration, as the Nazis randomly decide who may live or die that particular day. Each and every person inside that line know just coz they were allow to be alive that one day, that at any time they could be dead.

That is in the heart of all the prostituted – that at any time and any place we could be murdered, could die through ill-health or lack of the fight to keep living, or through suicide.

Our deaths came whether we were fighters, whether we obey every violent act that punters or sex trade profiteers demanded from us, whether we thought we inside a safe aspect of the sex trade.

We do not die because we were weak, we do not die because we do understand the “rules” of the sex trade, we do not die because a particular punter is mad or out-of-order.

No, we die because we are made in life sub-human, so our deaths are made to mean nothing.

Those of us who somehow survived often have strong survivor guilt.

It almost impossible to understand how we manage to survive – all I know is for me, survival was luck but the fact I am alive and can remember, means I must fight for abolition as some kind of payback for the majority who could not make it.

Exited women carry deaths inside them – we hold too many who society just throw away.

We hold deaths that we had to block out, we hold deaths of prostituted women who we thought were too strong to die, we hold deaths of women and girls inside the sex trade we never knew but have deep connection to.

We hold them close – and wait for societies everywhere to express grief for these lost lives, and start building real justice for all the prostituted class.

But now, we know our deaths will be ashes in the wind.

We are not the women who deaths matter.

We have waited 3000 years to count and to fully grieve – there is no justice whilst our deaths are made not to exist.

Hounds

I have been unable to write recently.

It is partly because my grief is going into body memories, and making me too exhausted to write.

It is partly because I am scared before I am on Radio 4 this Wednesday.

It is partly because I have allowed myself to be distracted by sports on TV.

But it mainly because I am aware that porn-hounds read or track my blog and use my words against me.

This, for a while, knocked the stuffing out of me.

But I know I would come back.

Here is a tiny amount of the way my experiences and words are used against me. All these examples are searches used to find this blog –

Ultimate slut, porn doll, torture porn, tortures in porn industry true, gang raped or forced me to orgasm in forced rape, he made the hooker scream, girl had enough porn, Rebecca sex blog, most horrifying porn made, Rebecca Mott a cunt, Rebecca Mott is skanky ho, tips sex, will that fit into my cunt, exited sex scream, cunt is weeping painful fuck foto, dead sex slaves fantasies, woman made to have anal sex, porn torture violent baby girls, many rapes one slut porn video, don’t breathe porn video, stop I can’t breathe porn, my stepdad fucked me in vagina, easy money for women, is sperm good to eat, violent porn, child porn, gang rape porn.

I am sure you find that hard, triggering or near to impossible – but that is my and many other exited women daily experience of daring to confront the sex trade.

We know that our words, our experiences and our determination to fight is made into porn, made into dirt – making our words and progress seemed to be nothing.

But the more punters, sex trade lobby and their supporters try to ridicule, destroy or distort our words and experiences, the more this prove we are speaking to the truth.

Our truths is highly dangerous, the sex trade lobby is right to be afraid that we will not just heard and read, but our words plant a seed of radical change.

It is a seed that turns upside-down all the lies and propaganda of the sex trade lobby.

It is a seed that shows all the excuses, lies, propaganda and manipulation of the sex trade lobby to be ridiculous.

It is a seed that sees clearly that the conditions of prostitution are of trafficking, conditions of slavery, that all aspects of prostitution is embedded in the conditions of torture.

This seed can only grow. It will branch out into deeper awareness and the slow ability to have deep empathy with all the prostituted.

The empathy is arriving when the language of sex work is abandoned. In its place the language of human rights, the language of revolution, the language of full humanity and the language of freedom.

Awareness is shown by not fighting for harm reduction – but seeing with a clear heart that all prostitution is in the line of male violence, and fighting for abolition for prostitution can never be made safe.

Empathy is learning the gift of truly listening and hearing when exited women speak out. This means not talking over, not treating exited women are victims or pets. This means not placing your life or experiences of male violent over the words of exited women.

Awareness is on the journey to arriving if you can learn that the violence done to the prostituted was never personal – it could not be personal for the main motivation of the sex trade is make all the prostituted sub-human.

I see the growth of awareness and empathy are a slow building of firm roots of an abolitionist movement.

No abolitionist movement will work unless is firmly rooted, and has enough solidness to deal with constant attacks, to cope with grief and pain that is embedded in all abolition.

Abolition must be rooted for it a long-term fight.

Abolition is like an oak, we may not see much change or progress, but each and every day our fight and determination is building another ring of growth.

I believe that sex trade will be eradicated – only it may not be in my lifetime.

I know each and every voice from many cultures and many centuries that speak against the sex trade are inside the rings of growth towards abolition.

That is why the porn-hounds fear our voices so much.

They know the abolitionist movement is progressing, they know their language of labour or empowerment cannot hold water.

I know oppressors always are their must violent when they feel their structures of power and control getting undermined or slowly destroyed.

The sex trade lobby is reacting with violent words, with violence to hold onto their control over exited women, with violence inside social media, with mental violence when speaking to the media or at conferences.

The sex trade lobby is very noisy, full of bullies, always grabbing hold of headlines – but this is because they are such a tiny minority, and scared that fewer people believe their language of hate and fear.

I see that the abolitionist movement is making amazing progress that the sex trade lobby spends so much time and energy trying to kill us.

So although it hurts and triggers me, having so many porn-hounds on my blog.

I take it as a huge back-handed compliment, for it shows how they afraid the sex trade lobby of this wee blog.

What is Your Excuse

I am going to the London Stop Porn Culture conference this weekend, and I will try to focus through the heart of my trauma.

In this post, I want to look at the many excuses made for the continuing of the sex trade. All excuses start from not allowing that the prostituted class can be fully human.

That barring from humanity is how all the sex trade works, so as you make endless excuses know you are making conditions for slavery, conditions for the disappearances or deaths of too many of the prostituted.

If you an excuse to make the sex trade normal, you have blood on your hands.

I write this for I am sick and tired of hearing apparently good people saying prostitution or porn is not that bad – only problem is people like me ruining the fun of others.

So you begin your excuses by lying about who people like me are.

We are moralistic, we hate sex, we are too sheltered, we are mentally damaged, we have no sense of humour, we want the police in the bedroom.

Lordy, we are everything that can be ridicule or made small – anything not to listen and hear our words.

The excuses are made so you or your friends have full access to the sex trade preferably as private as possible.

It is this mentality that against all logic and the reality of male violence works, that pushes for indoors prostitution in the false claim that it safer that street-based prostitution.

No aspect of prostitution is safe, or can be safe enough to be allowed to continue.

Behind closed inside brothels, in flats and hotel rooms, in sex clubs, in the homes of the prostituted – violence continue without interference, without access to help, without the knowledge that any cares.

No, prostitution behind closed doors is open to torture, to gang-rapes, to murder – it is too common that the prostituted just disappear from indoors prostitution.

So dream on if you think escorting, brothel work, being in a sauna, being girlfriend material is safe, or surrounded by managers who care about your welfare as a prostitute.

And to any punter who may be reading this, saying I’m the good guy for using indoors prostitution – I would never ever exploit any prostitute I went with.

You are exploiting by buying her as your masturbatory goods, you are exploiting by even imaging you have the right to buy another human just so you can have an orgasm.

I know of no punter who is bother that a prostitute is injured, bother if she may be trafficked or not, bother if she is under-aged, bother if she out of it on drugs, bother if it clear she being intimidated by a pimp.

Most punters love the thrill that the prostituted is being exploited, love the power of being yet more poison to rip out her humanity.

Punters see no human, they see a living sex doll that has no rights to consent or freedom to be fully alive.

The only time I can imagine a punter caring about the prostitute as a human is if he about to be arrested.

Most punters see no crime in raping, torturing and murdering the prostituted – it just a small event that they can move away from and forget.

That is what you are allowing when you make the sex trade normal.

The excuses come from a place of refusal to have even the smallest piece of empathy for the prostituted.

This happens all the time everywhere – those outside the prostituted class that see we are fully human are rare and need to be hold onto for they are part of the road to freedom.

I am sick and tired of being in an environment of so-called allies who can speak openly about all forms of male violence against women and children – but speak tongue-tied when talking to the conditions of prostitution and porn.

Your constant excuse is it too terrible to be spoken of – but you speak to the reality of child rape, of mass rapes in war-zones, of domestic violence, and many other ways men torture women and children.

But when speaking on the sex trade – it is spoken with great detachment and wanting “proven” facts, it is spoken by saying there must two sides, it is wrapped in the language of sex work.

You language become more and more distant – anything not to see that the prostitute is a human being.

Is it that you truly believe that there are two sides to prostitution and porn – but not two sides to child rape, not two sides to domestic violence?

Why do cling on to the fantasy that some of the prostituted had free choice and so must be happy.

Do you not see most women inside domestic violence would say they chose to live with the person who abuses them?

That the majority of rapes are done by men who built a relationship with their victim.

Do you think it is normal for women and girls outside the sex trade to self-blame for the male violence done to them?

Yet you make the choice not to judge those women and girls, or think it is true that are to blame.

But every day in most environments, the prostituted class are taken at their word if they say what you want to hear – that is they are empowered and happy – and ignore if they say it is hell.

That choice to not listen is part of the genocide of the prostituted class.

I will end here for it too hard for my grieving soul to write anymore.

Deep Screaming

I have been still inside deep trauma – been in a place where I know, see and feel why I have fought so hard for abolition.

I want to write to the screaming that makes me go forward, write to the grief that shows truth from lies.

I want to write without the simple control of “logical” sense – but write to empty broken spaces that is the trauma of prostituted class.

To write in order, to write with only clean logic is fine – but can never fit the distorted and fragmented memories that is the norm for all who have the sex trade.

It is the control of the sex trade and its allies that demands that exited women remember to their idea of “facts”, that we supply all with clear evidence, witnesses and details of place and.

The sex trade lobby know, for they have created it – that deep trauma destroys memory, and makes facts unreachable.

They know and don’t care – for they use our broken memories and lost time to control us, and to keep us sub-human.

Remember the sex trade is made up mainly of pimps and punters, and with their supporters having pimp-brains – so never think they care about the welfare of exited women.

Know they think we should be dead, too mentally damaged to speak out or so afraid that we cannot speak out.

To the sex trade lobby, there should be such thing as an exited woman, especially an exited woman who the courage and determination to be an abolitionist.

We exist despite their determination to wipe off this earth; we speak out despite their constant threats, ridicule and lies about us; we keep on keeping on even the sex trade lobby say we have no right to be human.

No wonder inside an exited woman is an avalanche of screaming.

We scream for we have known and been inside all forms of sexual, physical and mental torture that males can invent.

We scream as we see and know our tortures are dismissed as the sex trade lobby spread propaganda that we made to tortured, that it cannot classed as real violence but a chosen job.

We scream as we remember and know that each punter that makes the choice to pay to rape.

We scream as we hear the sex trade say it cannot be rape, for money equals full consent – it can only classed as rape in the sex trade if the prostitute is close to death, but even then the sex trade lobby say it just a game or fun.

We scream as we hear the sex trade lobby demand how often were you raped, when were ever tortured, where did this so-called happened – just to trip us up if we cannot remember or get confused.

Inside our screaming all the rapes, all the torturing, all the deaths we have known, all lack of hope is there – but it was repeated so often, that the mind protect all exited women by only showing the few events.

For inside our screaming, we reach the centre of the terrible truths that when torture is repeated till it become your norm, the brain cannot hold each and every event.

To live inside torture is to lose time and space – it not to live, it is to exist.

I know after reading Primo Levi speak of his time inside a concentration camp, he wrote of losing time for every day was the same, and without hope tracking time becomes pointless.

That is how to be inside the sex trade, it just about livable if you lose sense of time, place or that you are human.

That is what the sex trade lobby are so determined to silence – the fact that to be inside the sex trade long-term is such extreme torture that to breathe all the prostituted must give up on hope and learn that they are nothing but goods.

So never believe the sex trade lobby, for they are silencing and making sub-human all the prostituted class.