My past lays deep in my centre, in my stomach.
The stomach is sick with grief and knowing the unspeakable.
I will write to that space, but know words and the order of language can reach the screaming.
So as I play the cheerful women of Motown, I will reach in deep – and with detachment make order from my chaos.
To speak from that scream, from that centre – I must make clear this a surface of what was to be prostituted.
How does language, especially the ordered English words speak to that Hell?
It cannot, but all I have here is words – I have my silent screaming, but somehow I want to testify and make that scream public.
I see this whole blog as a testimony, as the oppressed can lay down their truths in the hope that it will learnt from and be part of the foundations of real change.
I write as a witness.
As a witness, I cannot change my history, I cannot run away from trauma – but I can and will be a part of building bricks of abolishing the sex trade.
To make real change, we must read, hear and truly understand the testimonies of exited prostituted women.
To bring real change, it is vital to be real about what it is to be prostituted, be real about the lack of choice for all the prostituted.
To construct real change, we must reject the propaganda named as the sex work lobby.
So to start that journey – I want to speak to the unspeakable, speak to what it is to be prostituted.
Speak to my scream in my stomach.
First and of deep importance, I write to what to what it is to be the prostituted, this is about some similarities with other women, but also the differences and the depth of trauma in all the prostituted.
Yes, all women can be made vulnerable and run the risk of being recruited into the sex trade.
But it is not all women who become prostituted or trapped in the sex trade.
I write to how the sex trade uses every vulnerability that women live through to its advantage – whether that be childhood abuse, lack self-esteem, domestic violence, poverty, racism etc. – but also speak to the scale of male violence to the prostituted and how that is makes a difference.
I truly believe that all women have some or lots of experience of male violence – be that child abuse, stalking, rape, voyeurism, being objectify and so on – but it not framed as their purpose in life.
To be prostituted, is to made into an object with no access to humanity – whose purpose to to be consumed as sexual goods by and for men.
In that environment – the prostituted woman is unrapable, for she has no rights to safety, dignity or personal autonomy.
To be rape once is terrible – but in the world of prostitution rape is the norm.
Think about how we view male violence and compare how we view prostitution.
For most non-prostituted females being raped more three times in a lifetime is shocking – often there great compassion from the feminist movements for women in that situation.
Compare to reality of prostitution, where rape is by hundreds even thousands of men. The prostituted body is a battleground, but it reframed as nothing coz it just her chosen job.
This is the same with all form of male violence done to the prostituted – there is no outrage, no recording and no space to grieve – for it nothing happening here, for there is no human being violated.
This is made stark by the lack of recording or remembering by all feminist and leftist movements of the disappearances and murders of the prostituted.
There is a slow start to remembering women killed by domestic violence – but it is often framed as recording all women murdered by men.
I know and understand it can only be the recorded deaths – and it is the norm that deaths or disappearances of the prostituted is unrecorded.
But, for the prostituted to be part of the feminist movement could not at the minimum be said that the prostituted are the highest risk of being made to disappear or killed than any other group of women.
To be prostituted, is to have death as your norm.
It is normal for every exited women, to have known that other prostituted females they had loved may of been murdered or just vanished.
It is normal in all forms of prostitution, for punters to say they can kill you coz no-one gives a damn about a dead whore.
It is normal in all forms of prostitution, for punters to play at killing the prostitute – whether by choking with heads or deep-throating, whether by suffocating with pillow, whether just by torture till the body cannot bear any more.
All this is made nothing and reframed as chosen sex work.
I cannot write any more, but please wake up and listen to our testimonies.
It is the minimum you can do.