I have major issues with knowing that I exist.
Coming to Devon has help me to cry, to feel, to find that I have a body.
But I find to know my body, a body taken piece by piece by punters, and used to the point of nothingness.
What is a body to tortured, raped and mentally abused prostituted woman?
How does that exited woman makes sense of having that body carrying so much pain and grief?
To get to start the deep trauma of the prostituted we seen this is deep state of dissociation, and it not an easy cure.
Remember deep trauma destroys parts of our brains – destroying connections to ordinary emotions, disrupting the ability to remember, harming the routes to empathy.
Trauma may not curable, but most exited women have multiple ways of making smaller and less important in their day to day life.
But without full justice, a sense of complete safety and a route back to humanity, the exited women will always have deep trauma as a shadow.
When we speak to bravery, then we must say all prostituted women are great heroes, whether seeming to on the edge of death, whether appearing to a happy hooker, or whether she has been lucky enough to exit.
All prostituted are Warriors, as they carry wounds and memories of hate and male violence that most women cannot imagine.
These wounds and memories are in the body, screaming, raging and crying to be let out.
No wonder the prostituted are dissociated from know that body belong to them.
Also, our body was never allow to become to us.
Our bodies were sold, were used, were exposed to hate, were seen as meat, was raped beyond thinking, were consumed by endless men.
To survive that, most of the prostituted have think so hard that they have no body.
Maybe if not too traumatised, some may think they are a floating brain.
More likely, to survive the prostitute will become the parts of the body that can sold and used.
To say we become three holes and hands is sick, but in prostitution is sadly true.
See that it is those holes and hands that the gold dust of the endless profits for the sex trade.
Most if not all punters want no human, just parts of her body he can screw, he can manipulate, he can bash around, he can strangle, he push objects up and in.
The vast majority of punters to destroy the bodies of the prostituted- the prostitute will thrown away after consumption.
See with a clear eye that every moment of every the prostituted are made the disappeared – some to suicide, some me to more brutal part of the sex trade, some murdered, some so ill from male violence that they become shadow people.
All exited women carry the hurt and grief of knowing too many of the disappeared, it is in our bodies, for our words are ignored as overkill.
Imagine the sickness, the pain and the terrors that is the body of an exited woman.
Imagine how tired that body is to carry.
Imagine carrying so many rapes that the brain shut down – see it is so many rapes that counting brings despair.
It is not two or three different rapists – for so many exited women were raped by hundreds if not thousand of punters.
Think hard that all punters are paying to rape, so each time a man make the choice to consume a prostitute he is paying to dismiss her access to consent and her right to physical, mental and sexual safety.
That is what prostitution is.
And that is just the tip of the iceberg, for it rare a punter pays to do missionary or so-called vanilla – no punters pays to degrade, pay to be sadistic and pay to do the prostituted what would be wrong to do the good women.
Prostitution is violence – there is no form of prostitution that can be made safe even if wrapped in pink wrapping.
So the body of the prostituted is full of scars, seen and unseen.
The prostituted carried injuring from beatings, injuries as their anus and vagina are rubbed, ripped at and pounded at, head injuries as punters hit and strangle, stomach issues from fear and the poison of male hate.
Exited women carry internal and external injuries that may be there for a lifetime.
But we are warriors for we go forward, we believe life is good, we fight so no woman or girl has to carry these wounds.
That is true bravery.