Maybe I Will Wake Up Soon

I was in Stockholm last, being a tourist and meeting abolitionists.

I am still trying to know it was real, that I will not wake and find all countries in the world are doing as little as possible to allow the prostituted to be fully human.

I know I should happy – should understand the emotion of liberation – should not be unable to compute that Sweden and other countries are finally saying men must be made responsible for the destruction of the prostituted class.

I can write to my trip to Stockholm, and say it was surreal to me, and brought out grief from the pit of my stomach, and increased body memories to an almost unbearable level.

I must say it has triggered many suicidal emotions. Feelings that my personal means little or nothing for so other abolitionists are spiritually stronger than I am.

I will never kill myself – but I always have a shadow following me that I of no importance.

My works, my words, my dreams, my struggle to go forward means so little as every moment of the day too many of the prostituted are living with no hope of knowing true humanity.

Sweden should have made me celebrate – but instead made feel small and alone, at how far so much of the world has to go in order to just give the prostituted simple and basic human rights.

As an exited woman, I may have longer inside a country where men are held accountable for the act of buying another human for sexual greed – to understand and fully compute that it is a reality, and I will not wake up sobbing.

To have the chains of centuries of slavery removed, to say that the whole of the prostituted class are not only fully human, but our voices that are honoured and celebrated – that can feel unreachable to most exited folks living in countries that normalised the sex trade.

No, Stockholm made clear to me how as exited prostituted woman, I live with the unacceptable as background noise.

I saw a place where men are learning to treat most women with respect and even some kind of equality.

I saw a place where it was not scary to be out late, or use public transport for many females.

There is no utopia in Sweden, it has many and varies faults – but at least they want to go in the right direction.

I would fault the Swedish approach for it was passed by concentrating on how prostitution all men and women in Sweden, and is not focus on the human rights of the prostituted as a separate and vital issue.

I also have major issues with that the vast majority of men found guilty are just fined, and all punters whatever their income are fined the same amount.

I personally would like serious imprisonment or at the minimum fines that are about 5 times higher than their weekly wage.

After all, most punters are guilty of highly serious crimes – most are serial rapists, most used physical/mental/sexual torture as common practice, many attempt or do actual murder of the prostituted.

To just fine punters, it send out the message that the prostituted are still sub-human, so any violence done to them is of little or no importance.

The prostituted will never receive true justice – till many punters are locked up for serial raping, for GBH, for torture and for the common murders of the prostituted.

There not one law for the non-prostituted, and another for the prostituted class.

For punters, to have terror of real punishment, now that would the beginning of real liberation and hope or all the prostituted.

But now, we are meant happy with crumbs – we are meant accept we must wait for justice, for some unknown reason it assumed to be a step too far to imprisoned punters.

For centuries, it has been ok to imprisoned the prostituted – with no interest in their mental or physical welfare.

In all societies and times where prostitution is made normal – it is normal to put in prison the under-aged prostituted, the prostituted with desperate needs, the prostituted from ethnicities that are highly discriminated against, etc.

This is seen as reasonable – but to even express the dream of fully punishing the sadist punter is made unacceptable even with too many abolitionists.

I, with my experiences of the everyday sadist violence that is prostitution – will never understand that, without it breaking my heart.

I grieve at the scale of violence that was normal just in my one experience of being prostituted.

I grieve that each and every punter that used, consume and trashed me – was told by society he was not a real criminal, that his actions were not crimes when he called it prostitution.

I can list some of the crimes done just to me – knowing my experiences and my body are just a tiny example of what is happening to the prostituted class, over all time and in all place.

Look at this list – and tell what over class of people would these action not be labelled as serious crimes, except the prostituted class.

1. Gang rape was normal. Gang rape was used to control, to punish, to brainwash the prostituted into compliance and silence. Gang rape is used to groomed the prostituted into porn or being used by rich punters at “parties”.

2. Anal rape, normally as extreme as humanly possible, is so normal in prostitution that it is background norm. I never so-called anal sex, all that punters wanted was to anally tortured me, often with extra torture of suffocation, drowning or other holes in my body being penetrated.

3. Being raped, hit or suffocated until almost dead or unconscious – or the life and death with a whore game.

4. Being strangulated as means of control and remainder that you are sub-human.

There are so many more grievous crimes that are made the norm in all forms of prostitution, yet it is still to just fine punters.

Sorry, this is not a celebration of going to Sweden – only grief and body memories are not ready to have any party yet.

7 responses to “Maybe I Will Wake Up Soon

  1. Thank you for your honest reactions, not sugar-coating how it feels to see “crumbs”. That can be worse than seeing no change at all. Please take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rebecca, thank you for this report from Stockholm and looking forward to more of your impressions of your trip in future blogs perhaps.

    I agree 100% with you regarding the penalty for convicted punters.

    I have had many conversations with abolitionists who protest that they are not ‘carceral’ activists, that they do not want to see punters be subject to the ‘prison industrial complex’ or so on. Yet when I ask them what punishment they see fit for rapists and those who sexually abuse children, almost always they say that prison is needed, to keep these men away from others for a time and to send a message to other potential offenders, about how serious these crimes are. They say a prison sentence is needed, as it reflects society’s repugnance for these crimes.

    But when there is the possibility of calling the victim a prostitute, whether or not she received any money or it just went to another man (pimp), and even if she was a young teenager … well then we are talking about being moderate, about fines, about john school, about warnings and probation and not ruining the life of the punter by giving him a serious criminal record or prison experience.

    They fail to make the connection: if prison sentences are needed to underscore how serious society considers rape and child sex abuse, why are they not needed for punters who also rape and, in many cases, are purchasing young teenagers (minors) to sexually abuse.

    What message do we send to society, to punters, and most importantly to the prostituted women and children that punters have hurt when we say, that in their case, a fine is sufficient ?

    Oh well, baby steps, I guess.


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  4. John (punter) = Rapist. And since most of us are prostituted for the first time while under age, they should get the same treatment as pedophiles.

    You are not alone. I live with some of the same memories and now I work to abolish prostitution. My daughters will have a better life and so my life will have meant something. Our scars are everlasting and some days, they just hurt, but each one is also a badge of honor, marking all that I have survived. Calling me strong. Calling me a warrior. Solidarity to you my sister!!!


  5. Yes solidarity with you dear Rebecca You are a valuable person!

    Despite your feeling of “little importance” and ‘small and alone’ in Sweden and the thoughts that steps towards adequate justice are slow for survivors, your voice is so true and powerful and just as valid as the abolitionists that you met.

    I am sorry about the pain and abuse of the past, and look forward to a more just world, especially for women and girls and all who are exploited, and for wide cultural change so that all forms of slavery are ended

    You have a right to be alive on the planet, to breathe in as much oxygen as you like, and to take some steps to do what you want to do for your own life and wellbeing, as well as for the cause.

    So take good care.

    I am not an academic and appreciate your honesty and voice, as it is raw and authentic and grounded and spiritual and wise.

    Sometimes when we feel fragile and vulnerable it is part of the unfolding, like a beautiful butterfly.


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