Crashing Back to Life

I have going through, crashing through trauma for quite some time now.

Each day I wake with my body shaking, my mind full of despair – but all the time there is a deep desire to force my way forward.

This is not depression, I have no wish to fall away – this is deep trauma, and is just a natural reaction to the poison put into me by punters, people’s ignorance of what it is and was to be prostituted, the sex trade profiteers and the utter lack of any justice for the prostituted.

Trauma is not a mental illness, it is a healthy reaction to extreme abuse/torture and having no justice.

No-one is born into trauma, trauma is forced into us by terrible events that can be natural, by man-made disasters, by man-made wars, and by man-made violence.

It is thought that the prostituted have some the higher rates of trauma, higher than soldiers in the front-line, higher than domestic violence, and higher than most rape survivors.

I always wonder why that is news, or even a surprise – could it be by not looking at the conditions of the prostituted, then it become easier to ignore our trauma?

For I see understanding and empathy for many women and girls on the receiving end of male violence – but a constant turning away from the prostituted.

I see understanding and political action for men and women who are tortured by a State – but a refusal to acknowledge that prostitution is a form of torture.

Could it be that the prostituted are still considered to non-humans, so cannot have real trauma? – if not, I cannot see another logical reason that our trauma is made invisible.

I need to know why rape is considered to worse than death when done to the non-prostituted, but rape to the prostituted is made into a non-crime?

I need to why torture is horrific when done to a political prisoner, but the exact same torture plus rape is just leisure or entertainment when done to women inside the sex trade?

I need to know why chicken in battery farms get more sympathy and passionate anger than women in crowded brothels or the horrific conditions of the porn industry?

I do not expect answers, maybe just the endless cliché reasons or turning away, the usual justifications that do nothing to end the pain of no justice or even being considered fully human.

That is the surface reason that all the prostituted live with trauma – knowing our right to be human is still a long way off.

I know and understand what it is to be raped outside of prostitution.

I know and understand it can and will feel as if you have been stripped of your humanity – but most victims of rape regain their right to be considered to be human, many never truly lose it.

This is because many rape victims are believed by friends and those who campaign to end rape.

Rape is seen as a crime – it is rarely punished – but it is considered a terrible event.

Strangely, the more a woman or girl is raped the less she is believed, and the less human she is seen.

Maybe that is some answer to why raping the prostituted is made to be nothing.

For most of the prostituted are raped by hundreds if not thousands of punters – we are raped beyond statistics, beyond remembering the men’s faces, beyond the body ability to hold pain.

But our rapes are non-existent, it becomes just who we are.

We cannot be raped for we are sex-crazed, we force men to use us as sex-dolls.

We cannot know rape for we do not feel pain like real women, we have no sense of shame that real rape victims have.

It cannot be rape if we took the money or gifts, it is not rape if we go on to another punter after.

These are a few of the millions of reasons given for ignoring the constant raping of the prostituted – reasons used as a silencing tool.

No wonder the prostituted are drowning in trauma.

Please be more radical about listening to the prostituted.

Hear their trauma and stop turning away.

6 responses to “Crashing Back to Life

  1. I am so glad that persons such as yourself have a voice with things like wordpress. It is entirely important. Sex slavery is a huge problem around the world. It is unforgiving, and I look forward to reading more from your perspective.

    Although, I must add that in the rare occassion, I have heard of prostitutes loving what they do. A relation of mine had to change their disertation because she assumed the girls were looking to be rescued. Perhaps, these are the women who have control over the situation? I am curious as to what you think of that.


  2. Hello! It’s not easy to reply on this post, but at least I’ll try to say something. I have complex ptsd since I was very little myself, though I have never been a prostitute. These discussions comes up from time to time, and I sincerely mean that living as a prostitute can be nothing but destroying for a woman, in all respects.
    The problem seems to be, that some prostitutes themselves always turn up in debate programs, telling the world that they do it by their own choice, and that nobody else is to tell them what do do with their own bodies and lives.
    That I think, is a big problem for all the women trying to explain the horror they are going through.
    I hope that you are safe now, and in the future! And I thank you for sharing these painful experiences!
    Warmest regards from Tussila!


  3. I think it important to look at why many of the prostituted will say loudly that it is fine and their free choice. This is usually said when the prostitute is embedded in the sex trade, and could seen as words implanted in her to prevent her seeing the reality of no freedom and lack of human rights. It is common in domestic violence, for women to say they love their abuser and that he is capable of change if she just fit into his will. It is common that women and girls who raped by someone they know, to blame themselves and say he did not mean any real harm. We would choose to see this as not facing reality, and would hear their words but take action to remove them from the male violence. But when we meet a “happy hooker”, all logic goes out the window. We do not think that she could brainwash or too frightened to see the reality of male violence that makes all prostitution. We refuse to know that to survive hell, the prostituted may build up a world where she is in control and it is her choice. Even if a woman does choose to enter the sex trade, this does little or nothing to protect her from rape, torture or rape. For punters do not care why a prostitute enter the sex trade or her back-story, if he is going to be violent it makes no difference. That is why we must keep the focus on the demand, and not the individual reasons for entering prostitution.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Rebecca Mott: right on, this post is exactly right.

    Also, the reason i think the ‘happy hooker’ is believed and not considered in denial is because of the money. The money, the money, if even just $5 or a barrel of Kentucky Fried Chicken or a pack of smokes was exchanged, then it must be all right.


  5. Pingback: To the men who love us, are you really helping us? | REAL for women

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