Are We Allowed to be Real?

I want to write about porn.

I want to write to the centre of porn, the conditions for the women inside porn.

But, it is so hard for always the debate/conversation about porn is about anything and everything but what it is to be those women.

All the harms of porn are done to women and girls, and some men, outside the porn industry.

It is harmful for children or teenagers to see porn, for it gives an unrealistic view of how sex is done.

If there is violence such as facial, forced anal, gang-rapes, strangulation etc – this is seen as harmful because porn norms are being to “real” women and girls.

It is harmful to users of porn because it kills the emotional connection that is considered to real sex.

This leaves the women inside porn abandoned and isolated.

All conversation/debate round porn always has somewhere  – porn is not real sex, the women in porn are plastic women, it is not real pain for those are actresses – and many other ways of refusing to see the full humanity of the women inside porn.

I try to be polite and patient as often good people say this dehumanising language. But now the screaming inside me is exploding.

Why do so many good people say they are anti-porn, and still keep the women inside as sub-human?

If you look at the violent sexual acts done inside all porn, and think or say, I would hate that done to me, done to my daughter, done to my best friend, even done to any women outside a porn shoot – then why the hell do think it ok when it done to a woman inside porn?

Is she too inhuman to feel pain? Too inhuman to feel degraded?

Can women inside porn not be raped “for real”?

If you do not want sperm sprayed all over your face – why do assume women in porn think it is fun?

If you would allow anal without full permission, especially not with objects, fists, or several penises – why the hell do you think women inside porn do not hate it as much as you would?

If you think of gang-rape with horror and may be one of your deepest fears – then why do imagine women just “enjoy” having gang-rapes for many hours and having to act with a smile?

Women in porn are not just made the Other by porn users or other males – sadly, much of the anti-porn movement keeps these women as Other, so it does not come too close to home.

I was filmed for porn, I was made to act out porn for punters, I had porn thrown at me by punters and sex trade profiteers, and porn was often on in indoors prostitution.

I was made into porn, so I know what damage that is done by making the women inside porn sub-human.

You cannot separate porn from prostitution – for punters are fueled by porn when they choose to buy a prostitute, prostitutes become porn to survive, many prostitute move from brothels to porn shoots and vice versa.

The world of the sex trade is about moving bodies into as many aspects of porn and prostitution as possible. One woman inside the sex trade can be in brothels, a porn shoot, doing street prostitution or in hotels – she has no control or free will, for she made into goods.

I was that human who you refuse to see – and there are many of my Sisters in or exited from porn that are made into nothing by that turning away.

It is not a human being gagged, being doubly/treble anally raped? It is not a human that is being sick, having dead eyes staring out at you?

See the human inside porn – she is not plastic, she is in severe pain, she is beyond terror, she wants to be dead.

See her – and before you speak or write of harms done to “real” women – place the lives, hopes and dreams of all the women inside porn first.

5 responses to “Are We Allowed to be Real?

  1. You have such a courageous voice. Honestly, you are my favorite blogger. Spot on, all the time. I know what it’s like to not be seen as human as well. To not be seen as “real”. But we are real. And I hope that we spend a lifetime shouting it from the rooftops and lifting our sisters up.


  2. Thanks for this. This is an off the cuff reply. I believe my family want me to think that the sex industry is ok – it just needs to be regulated. I don’t agree.

    I think sexual pleasure is one of life’s fantastic rights – once all other basic rights are in place. (food, shelter, safety etc). But paying for it, degrades it, corrupts it. We don’t pay to vote. We should never pay for sex. It is our right, not a commodity. Sexual freedom is our right. No one (religious bodies) should ever deny us that.


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