Being an Ally

This is a kind of does and don’t of how to be a decent ally for and with exited women.

Don’t use exited women as a tool/example/token to further your career, prove a point or just to make yourself appear trendy.

You may think you are the good one, and you are caring – but all you are doing is degrading exited women by keeping us sub-human.

All you are doing is bringing us out at your convenient, showing us off, and then when bored walking away and doing something that is less frustrating.

Do listen and truly hear how and where exited women want to speak out or be let alone, let exited women have full control of their speech and knowledge.

Remember always, that the prostituted class have all live in environment where their minds, bodies and spirits were controlled and manipulated.

So now, it is vital that for exited women to know they have control over their truths.

We are not toys to further your cause – even if the cause is anti-trafficking or feminist.

We cannot work alongside those who keep us sub-human, it throws us back in a darkness that is too dangerous to know.

Don’t compare rape and domestic violence with the institution of prostitution.

It is not the same.

Do stop yourself from that comparing, and truly listen to how there differences.

Don’t speak in the language of the individual experience, the individual rape, the individual battering.

Do speak to the language of basic human rights, language of industrial torture, the language of the elimination of the prostituted access to full humanity.

Know that as an exited woman, I cannot cannot connect to the language of rape and domestic violence.

I had no language that said it was a crime, no language that made it wrong – only the crying inside that never stopped.

I learnt a language through learning a new language outside rape and battering.

I connected to the deadness and boredom of soldiers in the Western Front; I understood the loss of time and ability to remember what it is to be human of  those inside concentration camps; I heard and manage to cry as I heard survivors of Hillsborough speak to having no justice and no resolution.

I learn to speak as I learnt the reality of prostitution was I had been made so sub-human that I had language for the deep harms done to me.

I had to find it was wrong to be able to speak out.

This is short for my trauma is suffering too much.


4 responses to “Being an Ally

  1. I think an answer to your suffering is continuing to write. It is important to get these feelings out and air them. I hope you can find healing in writing, I know I have for the pain in my life.


  2. I do not write for “healing”, if some of that happens it is a bonus. My writing is not about individual healing – which may not be the goal when you have complex trauma which most exited women have.
    I believe it more about knowing trauma is a shadow when you come from an environment of torture and lack of hope. Having trauma does not mean it makes you a victim – many exited women who have complex trauma is a major factor to pushing them forward to fight for real change and justice for the future. We cannot repair our pasts, but we can and do change our present and build a future.
    I write for political change, not individual healing – for I write to prevent future generations of women and girls knowing what I have known.


  3. Pingback: Faire le Mur | Un peu de Mollesse… Et beaucoup de Muflerie

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