I have never felt that I could fit into labels.
After my years inside prostitution, I hate being boxed in or being what I am. I cannot be how others tell me I should be.
But on a deeper level, I cannot be labeled because for most of my life I had no sense of self.
To be prostituted, is to know what it is to be nothing and to lose hope that you truly exist.
I thought and felt I was nothing – maybe just an android following whatever orders I was told.
I had no access to be a full human – I was goods, I was an object to be fucked and sold.
I was a Whore – and to be a Whore, I had to fit many labels, but never for me or those who loved me.
I had to fit labels for a society that want Whores to be scapegoats.
In that role – I was unrapeable, I was there to prevent real sexual violence being done to real women and girls, I was the Happy Hooker, I was the non-guilt fuck.
I had no existence outside of myths and rumours.
I had to fit labels to sold by sex trade profiteers.
In that role – I was the posh Whore who could be ground into death, I was the Whore who love pain and would never complain, I was the Whore who could pretend to a girlfriend but never no to any violence, and being a Whore I was replaceable and could be thrown away.
I had no existence outside the amount of cash I could make for others.
I had to fit labels to please punters.
In that role – I was their baby-doll, I would lay dead as their porn-dreams were force into me, I was there to say they were sex gods, I would be their mother/sister/counsellor, I was just holes and hands.
I had no existence for to exist would break their fantasy.
I had no existence as a Whore – now I am fighting hard to find who or what I am.
I think with slow care I have finally found a box that I can fit into.
I am a radical exited woman.
I am not a radical feminist, I am not an anarchist, I am not religious, I am not a leftist, I am not conservative – although I may have parts of all those labels in me.
I can not belong to any of those labels, for they all in varying degrees Other the prostituted class, and in that Othering allow the genocide of the prostituted to go on.
My priorities are to destroy the sex trade at its roots, my priority is that the voices of exited women takes leadership in the abolitionist movement.
I am connected to all my Prostituted Sisters and prostituted men – I am connected to the prostitutes whose cultures say they were born to be Whores, I am connected to the women who thought they choose to prostitutes only to find all their rights stolen from them, I am connected to the young girls who think it is love to sell their bodies, I am connected to the women locked in brothels forgetting the outside world is possible.
They are my purpose, they are my mission and they give hope to my life.
In that connection, my guides and teachers are the multiple voices of exited women – women who have known that porn is torture inside their own skins, women who have been made invisible on the streets, women who were never allowed to be under-aged, women who know there is no such thing as high-class indoors prostitution.
These are my family, these are my true Sisters.