Breathing Underwater

I have been in deep shock after starting to explore what it was to tortured as a prostitute.

The shock is not from what happened to me, however horrific and life-threatening that was, however much that torturing has given me extreme and more than life life-long trauma.

No that is just the shock that is easy for those outside of being the prostituted class.

No the deep shock was how normal the torturing became for me; how normal is and always has been, and will be if we do nothing, for all the prostituted class.

The deepest shock is that our tortures are made invisible, or worse are made into the lifestyle choices of the prostituted.

To survive that hell, I learnt to breathe as I was drowning, I breathe in death and stubbornly stay alive.

How can explain the blatantly of torture for the prostitution.

All I know it was my norm, that it was and is the norm for many prostituted women and girls I knew or know, and it is the norm for the vast vast majority of all the women and girls in all aspects of the sex trade in every country that makes it acceptable to buy and sell the prostituted class.

It is torture on a scale that is so vast that it pollute almost every country, every city, most hotels, every computer, most newspapers – it is torture that is everywhere and made nowhere.

No-one outside the sex trade hears the suffering of prostituted women and girls – for they are too beaten down mentally, physically and sexually to do more than silent screaming.

Look and see our realities, and search your hearts why it is not named as torture – use the logical part of your mind, and it can nothing but torture.

Let’s look and see clearly what is seen as the basic to being a prostitute.

That you will have sex with any punter who pays for it. That it your role to do whatever he wants – that it is not your role to say no or think about your own desire.

The basic stereotype of what it is to be a prostitute would be labelled as rape if there was no exchange of goods or money.

Look and see that most long-term prostitutes will be brought by hundreds or even more punters – that cannot be always “nice” punters.

Look and see that prostituted women could have been raped so often that they have no concept of how many men have raped them.

I hear so often non-prostituted women say being raped once is a form of torture – that is true.

What is hard for prostituted women is our rapes are made invisible, made into wrong choices, made into what we are paid for.

We are told over and over and over that it is impossible to rape a whore – so what the hell are we complaining about?

But it is rare that the prostituted are just raped – the punters, the porn producers and the pimps see the purpose of the prostituted to be there to sexually and mentally torture to the point off death and usually keep her alive to do it all over again.

The prostituted class are tortured so often and with so much hate, that they lose any concept that they could be human.

We were made into goods – and part of our survival mechanism is to become nothing but a sex object – and try desperately to have no feelings of pain, of grief and self-respect.

We are breathing as we are drowning – we are pretending to be alive as we know we are dead.

Every part of my body was tortured, every part of my body belong to haters – I had privacy ripped from me.

The only private space were the moments alone where I learn to think nothing, learnt how to feel nothing, and taught myself to not know my past and refuse to think on the future.

That is the reality of being inside deep torture, that is the reality of being the Prostitute.

One response to “Breathing Underwater

  1. Your last few posts and this one have me really trying to wrap my head and heart around the horror of making all this horrific torture invisible and normalized as ‘entertainment’. So much Respect, Love and gratitude to you for making the invisible visible, you are giving so many silenced, drowning women a voice and pushing me (and I assume others) to think and feel deeply about this and thinking about what kind of action to take.


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