How Can It Not Be Called Torture?

I am exploring how torture is interconnected with prostitution, and I may write a series of posts to get my head around.

This post is written after looking at a list about non-state torture, and finding how awful my past.

I suppose I should put trigger warning, but I presume my readers are mature enough to stop reading if they find it too hard.

I hate the concept of trigger warning for it gives an excuse for apathy and turning away from everyday horrors.

It treats readers as children or keep them in the victim-role.

I respect my readers too much to put up trigger warning – I think you can look after yourselves and are stronger than you know.

In this post, I will go down the list and explain what it means to me as much as I can.

1. Savagely and repeatedly beaten

This was normal for me, I was so used to being beaten up, I hardly felt it.

It is the norm in nearly every aspect of the sex trade, that the prostituted are beaten up.

It may a punishment from a profiteer for any and no reason; it may be a punter thinking beating a whore down is a game; it may be re-branded as s/m or kinky sex.

In the end, the prostituted are made into goods, so beating her is no big deal.

2. Savagely and repeatedly kicked

I was kicked in the head, I was kicked in the stomach – I was kicked in my vagina.

It was a game to see if I would cry or complain.

I did not cry – but I often fainted.

A prostitute learn as soon as possible not to show pain or terror – it does not stop the torture, but it may save her life, and most important she keeps some pieces of dignity.

Being kicked is be made sub-human, to be made goods.

I blocked it as much as possible.

3. Fingers, toes and limbs twisted

I had my limbs twisted to mold me into the porn image they wanted to fuck.

The punters twisted my body with no regard to my pain, or that it was not natural to be move that.

They often copy from porn which was cartoons or manipulated film, where it was impossible to be in that position with great pain and wanting to die.

But to be prostituted is be their private porn-doll, who twist into shape they can wank over.

4. Sat on making breathing difficult

That was common, although I would it sitting on and still raping me, not noticing whether I could breath or not.

I mean some punters sat on my chest as they fisted my vagina and/ anus.

Some punters kind of sat on my face as the choked me with their penis.

Or just sat so hard on me I was convinced I would die.

5. Forcibly impregnated

For me as a prostitution, that means most punter who fuck me in the vagina never even thought of using protection.

Why bother when it is just a worthless whore.

I had one abortion, but took morning after pill quite often, I think I had miscarriages as well.

Being pregnant means nothing in prostitution – it does not stop the violence, it does not make punters or profiteers suddenly see the prostitute as a human.

No, it is common especially in indoors prostitution for sex trade to have access to quick abortions, and then send the prostitute back into hell.

6. Raped by one person

All that I can say is this is the norm of all prostitution.

It is normal for the prostitute to have access to the language of no, no access to her body being keep safe from violent sex.

It is normal for the prostitute to never know which punter or profiteer will rape her next.

I was raped by one punter after one punter after one punter after one punter and on and on and on – till my brain stop counting.

Rape is prostitution – rape is so common in prostitution that all it can framed as is torture and complete violation of the prostituted’s human rights.

7. Raped by family or group

Gang-rape is very common in all aspects of prostitution, it is used to control the prostitute.

It is so common that it is made invisible and made if viewed into just kinky sex or extras.

I was gang-raped more often than my brain wants to remember.

When I was a teenager, it became my norm.

But no-one intervenes when a prostitute is gang-raped – for beyond her control, society has decided she must enjoy it.

8. Raped by a weapon (gun or knife) or other objects

Objects were often used to raped me.

Forced into my mouth, forced into my vagina, forced into my anus – and used to create fear.

They were mainly ordinary objects.

Pens pushed into my ears; hair dryers put in my vagina or anus; objects that my mind won’t know forced down my throat.

I have blanked out so much of these objects, I cannot cope with the terror and losing so dignity.

It make my body lose control – and that made the punters laugh.

9. Near drowned when held underwater in a tub, toilet, bucket or stream

I was often forced to drown by having head forced into bath water, water in a basin or in the toilet.

But punters wanted more, they would anally raped me and often fist me.

There was so much hate there – a hate that many prostitute know and have so few words to tell the world.

10. Choking

I was choked so often, that even now I have major issues with my swallowing, breathing deeply, and feeling like I am suffocating.

I had penises and objects forced down my throat: I was suffocated with pillows or hands blocking by breath; I was strangled.

I had punters copying “Deep Throat” into me.

I cannot get rid of the nightmares from all that choking.

11. Suffocated by object place over one’s face

This was funny to punter – a life and death game.

I had pillows put on face as I was being violently raped, that is such a laugh.

It was to drowned or to be inside a coffin.

12. Porn pictures taken

That was common as well, and is very common in indoors prostitution.

It is all about showing the prostitute that she has no privacy; it is about holding over her as blackmail if she get free will or the strength to imagine exiting.

I think many times the camera had no film in it, it was just a general threat to keep me in my place – the place of the sexual slave.

13. Porn or snuff films made or used

This is common, and is used to control the prostituted.

I was filmed when the punters were gang-raping me, I was filmed as I was being degraded.

It is a cheap way to make porn – for you do need a studio, you do not have to pay the prostitute, you do not have to get her permission.

It may call amateur porn, then it can re-branded as fun and entertainment.

But it rape and sexual torture.

Being inside porn, is to know that all your tortures and rapes are out in the world for any wanker to view.

I have no idea where those images are or if they even exist.

14. Forced to watch others being harmed

This is common, it is yet another way to control the prostituted, especially when they are being seasoned into prostitution.

I was made to watch young girls sadistically raped – told maybe if I am good that will not happen to me, or told that is nothing to what will happen to me.

I felt so guilty, but also relieved it was not me.

15. Threatened to be killed

Many punters would love to say “as a joke” that they could and would kill at any time, and in any place.

They said a terrible truth – nobody would miss a dead whore, hell they would do the world a favour.

Profiteers could kill me at any time or place – some spoke in detail how they made dead prostitutes disappear.

I live with death as a prostitute – being murdered was the risk that shadowed every day.

16. Called derogatory names

That is so normal in prostitution, that most prostitutes do not hear the words – it is just white noise.

Every vicious sexual insult of women is thrown at the prostituted.

Every hate word for her sexual organs is thrown at the prostituted.

All language that framed women as evil manipulators of men is thrown at the prostituted.

To be a prostitute is to name as everything men hate and fear of all women.

Name-calling grind us into being sub-humans, it is no minor thing for the prostituted.

17. Put down as sub-human

Everything about the structure of the sex trade is designed to make the prostituted sub-human.

She is made into sex goods; she is made into living porn; she is holes and hands; she is non-human.


I know this was very hard to read – and may be hard to accept or believe.

All I write is this post is a sketch of the normal sadism that is prostitution.

How can it not be called torture?


9 responses to “How Can It Not Be Called Torture?

  1. Your voice is very important Rebecca as this reality of non-state torture in prostitution must be told for you first to have your voice heard and for all of us who have not lived the horror. Pretty hard to romanticize prostitution after reading your details of the cruelty by punters. And I agree with you about not using trigger warnings — there should be no excuses to turn away. Rebecca I respect you as a person and as a woman to have the courage to speak your truth. with care, ~Linda MacDonald~


  2. I read this and I’ll be honest, I want to hurt these guys. I really do. And the ones who let them do it with impunity. It is surreal to know the amazing woman you are and you survived this. Torture is NOT OVER STATING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU! What happens in wars and what happens in brothels, sex clubs whatever, is the same thing. This has to get out there. Bravo and hugs. xox


  3. Pingback: Sex Trade Survivors & Abolitionists are the Heartbeat of My Feminism « The Feminist Rag

  4. *nods* I know those things too. Remember at the time trying desperately to make out I liked them. What else are you supposed to do, cry? Like that won’t get you beat even more…

    The only thing that kept me going was knowing my pimp wouldn’t kill me. Not that he wouldn’t have – he threatened it enough – but that I always swore I’d do it myself first. It was the only thing I had control over, and I clung on to that even if it wasn’t very sane (or even realistic – when someone has a gun between your legs, you don’t have that choice).

    Sometimes I think the laughter and names hurt more. It was the fact that punters enjoyed hurting another person that really scared me. That they really wanted to see what they’d watched in porn become true, and act it out. It was as though all the normal boundaries that keep people safe and ‘regular’ human beings had suddenly disappeared. And seeing that happen to so many men, including so many ‘nice’ guys with wives and kids who’d never usually do anything like that, but when all their friends are…

    You really see the very worst of human nature when you work in prostitution. It’s horrific. And it makes me so angry that it’s often either denied or glorified, too. It’s so difficult to live with, once you’ve seen what people are capable of 😦


  5. What you say is so true, Rebecca. The problem is that so many of the acts you have described are commonplace in pornography and so people are totally desensitised to the jarring, painful reality of what it actually means to be on the receiving end of such abuse. They relate only to their own orgasm and the porn director’s spin on it. It’s horrendous to know that torture is turning people on.


  6. I’m left in complete awe I’ve never thought about doing porn but watched all those videos of girls getting abused wondering if they actually like it so I went to search for the truth behind it and it is horrific to know that there is such sick men out there with no respect remorse or any human sympathy. I’m sorry this happened to u but thank u for sharing ur story to put the truth behind this torture.


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