Dedicated to Rebecca Whisnant – who deeply inspired me to dig harder.
The thing that is the hardest to face and look into the heart of – is the pain of the humiliation and degradation which becomes your norm as a prostitute or in any other aspect of the sex trade.
I listen to Rebecca Whisnant’s wonderful speech at the 2012 Stop Porn Culture conference, and she explain the pain in the heart of every prostituted woman or girl that I know, and far too many I do not know – the pain of what humiliation and degradation does to you.
This is pass over by most of those who have interest in “studying” the prostituted class – ignore for it is decided that the prostituted are not human enough to be truly degraded or humiliated.
Some may see and acknowledge the degradation – but always framed as the prostitute’s choice, see as part of her nature.
Some may view the degradation and say it wrong – but it always with us, it must be true that the prostituted class just get used to it and learn not to mind.
A few may see the degradation and scream for real change – but in the slowness of change get bored, and moved on to more movable issues.
All this is an abandonment of the prostituted class – it is ignorance, it is arrogance, it is the desire not to associated as or with the prostituted class.
It is the reinforcing that the prostituted class are sub-human, and so it is viewed as free choice and part of the adult entertainment industry.
The major point is never allowed yourself to know and truly feel what degradation and humiliation means to the prostituted class.
You may get an inkling by comparing with other forms of male violence – such as long-term domestic violence, such as long-term child sexual abuse, such as gang-rapes.
In those you are at the start of understanding the institutionalised humiliation and degradation of the prostituted class – you are getting to the deadness of emotions of the women and girls inside the sex trade.
But that is only a small part of understanding the trauma inside the prostituted class left by non-stop degradation and humiliation.
It must be known that with most women and girls outside the sex trade that are violently abused long-term – they are more than the role of the battered woman or the raped child – they are still viewed as full humans.
They are broken humans, they are humans who are trapped, they are humans who are ignored – but they may be to feel sub-human by their abuser, but not by society nor is it their role to be sub-human.
The prostituted class were invented to be the role of being sub-human – inside the sex trade women and girls are interchangeable, for all the prostituted are made one, are made nothing but goods for profits.
The prostituted are not given access or the right to be considered human – they are goods used for porn, goods inside any building where men paid to rape, goods brought on any street corner, goods got at by clicking the mouse of any computer.
The prostituted are never allowed to be human – as they are move round all aspects of the sex trade with no regard to their physical and mental welfare.
Imagine you are that woman – tell how you would remember you are human in that environment?
If you want to know the cold heart of the humiliation and degradation that is the norm of being inside the sex trade – let me tell how I as goods was moved around.
I used me as a small example – for my experience were nowhere as bad as the majority of the prostituted – but my experiences left me empty, and having to search to find my own humanity.
I started in sex clubs that provided sadistic prostitution in near-by flats, catering for punters who wanted under-aged prostitutes or to look under-aged.
There it was my norm to be gang-raped, it was my norm to have no exit as men lined up to fuck me or sexually torture me, it was my norm for it to be filmed for so-called amateur porn.
It became my norm to know what fashionable in hard-core porn films or magazines – say “Deep-Throat”, “joke” child-rape from “Hustler”, latest rape-murders in the news – for punters put into my body.
That is degradation and humiliation – that is mental, physical and sexual torture.
I was moved into escorting/girlfriend experience – still mainly sadistic.
The major difference was these punters were richer, felt more entitled – these punters had the mentality of a slave-owner, and all I was their property that will thrown away.
I will always say girlfriend experience was the most horrific aspect of the sex trade that I experienced.
It was pure humiliation – that was the only reasons punters brought women to be “girlfriend experience”.
It was about having punters who thought it was there right to dig into the prostitute’s brain and not to allow her any privacy.
One of the major way to survive the sex trade, is to give yourself a separate personality that is the role of the “whore” – a personality that is detached from your mind as much as possible, a personality that pleases the punter or sex trade profiteer enough that you stay relatively safe or at least alive.
Girlfriend relationship is used by punters to mentally abused so much that it breaks down that personality – and forces the private parts of the prostitute.
He will keep her for hours, weeks, months – depending on his status and amount of cash he will pay out.
In that time, he will break the prostitute mentally, physically and sexually.
He uses the torture plays of acting like he cares about her – then if she attempts to trust or show any vulnerability – he beats her up or sadistically rapes her.
He uses sleep deprivation – then ask endless questions about her family, her real name, what films/books she likes, what a “good” woman like you doing this for – all breaking her down so does truth from lies.
He will show her off as his girlfriend – then violently rape her if she relaxes too much.
That is a small part of being inside so-called girlfriend experience. Not glamorous – just hell.
I survived escorting – but I never how or why.
I was sold as the whore who did not mean pain, heck my tag-line it was only real sex was when it hurt.
I was sold as goods to be used and thrown – I was not in the imagined line of escorting where punters respected me – no most did not look at me or talk to me. My function was as goods to sexually tortured and thrown away.
I was nothing – I had no rights, I could not even imagine what it was to be human.
That is the reality of humiliation and degradation for the prostituted class.
We had to die to hang onto to life.