So Hard to Stay Calm

I try so hard to be calm and reasonable in my work – but how can I when I have to keep repeating over and over and over the basic aspects of the being inside the sex trade – repeating and explaining whilst all the time women and girls are being destroyed.

How can I be calm when I know on every continent there is a genocide of the prostituted class, and it is not just made invisible – it is made into a non-event.

I do all I can, I do more than my trauma can cope with.

I suppose if I know more what is being done on the practical level, not just writing and academic debate, to build the road towards abolition, I may be calmer.

I know of many wonderful and great exited women pushing towards abolition – doing this with trauma as their shadow, doing this inside illness, doing this with the reality of the sex trade inside their bodies and minds.

I want to know why it is so often left to these amazing women to not only have to build the movement, but to constantly have to educate and inform, are the ones who give solid support to so many other exited women – and do all this with little or no support, with little or no credit for their work.

How do I stay calm as exited women are used as examples, made into statistics, have their ideas and words stolen. How do I stay calm as yet again we are made sub-human.

This post is written from a place of grief and rage.

I am more and more desperate for a road that is solid for abolition – I am tired, I am made sick, I cannot live in a world that makes the sex trade just a background noise.

To have abolition we must have everyone with a heart on-board.

All that is needed to start that solid road to abolition is to see, to know and to feel that the prostituted class are fully human.

That seems so simple – but ability to be calm is destroyed by how to keep the prostituted class as sub-human – it made as complicated as possible.

It is blame on class, blame on culture, blame on a particular historical moment, blame on lack of real sex education, blame on girls being so damned provocative, blame on the political system you don’t like.

It is decided only lonely or sad men are punters, it is decided that pimps are easy to know, it is decided only poverty pushes women and girls into the sex trade, it is decided it a good thing to have porn and prostitution for it stops real rape.

It is viewed as only bad if prostitutes are visible on the streets, it is viewed that if is called a business then it must be ok them, it is viewed as just work that might be slightly dangerous, but heck better than serving hamburgers.

I try to be calm – but a banshee is screaming inside me.

It is made complicated to avoid and run away from the simple truths that have always been the foundations of all aspects of the sex trade in all cultures, in all periods of history and place onto all races.

A simple truth of the sex trade is that it is founded on male violence – it is the providing of the prostituted class to men in order that can do any sadistic act without consequences and fully sanctioned by whatever culture they are in.

A simple truth of the sex trade is built on the concept that the prostituted class have no access to the language of no. The prostituted class cannot be raped – for all sexual violence is framed as their job and often made to be “their choice”.

A simple truth of the sex trade is it nothing to do with sex or pleasure – it about major profits, it is about power and control over the prostituted, it is about giving male hate and violence free rein.

A simple truth of the sex trade is that is to framed in the language of torture and the language of re-gaining human rights – not the language of empowerment or work.

I want to be calm – but like many exited women I am sick of waiting for others to get the simple truths of the sex trade.



9 responses to “So Hard to Stay Calm

  1. Rebecca, you already know I think this but I will say it again here — your courage and heroism is an inspiration for me. Hang in there. The road may be long, but your voice is much-needed and surely will have its effect eventually.


  2. You have every right to be angry. What you write is not rocket science, it is devastatingly simple… thinking of you everyday and hugs from the across the seven seas xox


  3. Please explain to me the relation between these two phrases:

    “it is decided only poverty pushes women and girls into the sex trade”

    “A simple truth of the sex trade is it nothing to do with sex or pleasure – it about major profits, it is about power and control over the prostituted, it is about giving male hate and violence free rein.”

    I find it quite easy to believe that nobody with real choice in life, no one who isn’t pushed to the edge by poverty, would choose prostitution, or choose to STAY in sex trade work, because, as you said, it exploits women as the objects of men. This whole idea of wanting to be given dignity as a sex trade worker, instead of just ESCAPING the career, confuses me. Why are people fighting to preserve the institution of sex trade work instead of just destroy it and escape their positions as victims of a terrible career?


  4. I think you are muddling up what I was saying – which is fine coz it was written in a state of trauma.
    It is not just a about poverty, though that is one factor. The major push that drives and keep most women and girls inside prostitution – not in sex work or a career – is self-hatred and being made a sexual object.
    I am wondering how genuine you are – for your language is of sex trade work and that it could be a career. This goes everything I write in this blog, for that is the language used to hide the male violence and hate that is the foundations of all aspects of the sex trade.
    I think you choose to see the second comment as being about the prostituted – when it is about the sex trade profiteers and punters. It is the pimps/”businessmen” that make the huge profits from the sex trade – it is the pimps and punters that have power and control over the prostituted, and it society that gives free rein to that male hate and violence.
    It is not about giving “dignity” to the sex worker – for that does not get factor in by pimps and puners, and all cultures or societies that condone the sex trade – for the prostituted are stripped of their human rights and made sub-human – into fuckable goods. In that environment, it is no career, it is slavery and a form of torture. When you are routinely tortured – the mind adapt by making it your norm. The idea of escaping is almost impossible to imagine for many prostituted women and girls.


  5. I love this Rebecca. I haven’t written in a while because I’m struggling with PTSD so what you said about exited women being the only ones really doing much to try and change things / get the truth out there but struggling to do it because of the damage rings 100% true!


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