So Common

There is a false language placed around the realities of being inside the sex trade. It is the language that strives to makes the most common realities appear rare, extreme or the fault of the prostituted.

It is the language framed and used to make pimps. punters, porn users, defenders of the sex trade invisible and unimportant.

It is the language that makes the genocide of the prostituted invisible.

In this post, which I am writing inside deep trauma and sickness, I speak against and to this language. I want to look to yourself why you feel the need to use language that make the common realities of the prostituted disappear – look to yourself why you need to other the prostituted.

There is a belief that prostitution and being inside porn is just part of a continuum of male violence, and can be put aside as it must be an extreme end of that continuum.

This may be partly true – but it is also used as an excuse to push away the multiple voices of the prostituted, especially the voices of exited women.

I have been told that it just lots of rapes, that all women are exited women, that marriage is just another form of prostitution, or other nonsense that dismisses our realities.

If say or think some or all those concepts – look inside yourself very deeply – look and find that uncomfortable feeling that you have made the choice to other and distance yourself from the prostituted class.

Most exited women make the choice to be silent about the hurt and betrayal of such othering – we are made silent by knowing we are made yet again sub-human.

It is not just tons of rapes, it is not just constant domestic violence. It is extreme torture, it is a destruction of all the prostituted’s human rights, it is being into goods and robbed of being a human.

To be prostituted is to know that there is nothing personal about the violence – it just common practice that any man who buys or sell the prostituted expects.

It is never done to a human – it is done to goods, done to holes surrounded by an image of a human, done to what could be living but cannot be seen, felt, heard or known.

The reality of being inside the sex trade is getting so used to male violence and hate that it has to be re-framed as choice, as empowerment, and commonly as the only purpose for the prostituted.

The language of individual rape and domestic violence is not acceptable for that reality – it does not even touch the surface of the common day-to-day mental, physical and sexual torture, it does get even close to the living death that is being inside the sex trade.

The language of torture, extreme trauma and violation of the most basic human rights is the language we must be used for that reality.

Torture does alter the mind, extreme trauma is a shadow that is not always fixable, and having human rights stripped away leads to a deep desire for justice not just as an individual but for the whole of the prostituted class.

For having the power and freedom to be an exited woman is a deep privilege, and is something that pushes us forward to abolition to honour all those who could not make it, and in respect that we are somehow alive and sane.

A brief explanation of what I mean by exited woman – and why it is vital to know that it is term about exited the sex trade, not a general term of any woman.

An exited woman is a term that is more than just leaving the sex trade – it is seeing and knowing how you were made sub-human, it is seeing and knowing there was nothing personal about that violence – and it is seeing and knowing it about human rights, and it is highly political to be an abolitionist.

Let me be frank – abolition of the sex trade is one of the biggest human rights issues in the whole of history.

The prostituted have been brought and sold, the prostituted have been tortured and murdered, the prostituted have been silenced and ignored for the vast majority of history.

We must to end male violence placed the realities of the prostituted class in the centre of all our understanding of why and how men make the choice to be violent.

The prostituted have always been in the front-line of male violence, the prostituted have always had the language and analyse of why and how violent men choose to act.

But the story of the sex trade has always been told and recorded by pimps, users, punters and their many allies – history by, from and for the prostituted is constantly silenced and made unknown.

This means every generation “discover” that the sex trade is bad and has no purpose beyond violence and power.

Each generation makes the sex trade complicated when it is very simple. Each generation finds excuses or “reasons” that there is a sex trade, and usually why and how it so embedded in a particular culture or society that it would impossible to have abolition.

Each generation wants to keep its porn and prostitution – but each generation put on a veneer why it not exploitation, just part of a leisure culture.

Prostitution and porn was not invented by capitalism, was not made by any religion or cultural practices, was not just part of colonialism, it not because of some libertarian view of society, it is not about freeing up our sexual imaginations, it not about preventing rape to the non-prostituted.

It has all those aspects feeding the sex trade – but it also uses all those beliefs and systems to hide the simple reality of the sex trade.

That it is about giving violent men full permission to use extreme sexual torture on a class of mainly girls and women who have stripped off all humanity.

That it is about saying the men that make the conscious choice to buy porn and or prostitution are having complete power and control – in other words they have a sexual slave who has no access to the language of no, and no rights to safety or full humanity.

That it is about the sex trade profiteers making the prostituted class into goods and stripping away that a human is being sold.

To be part of the prostituted class is to know being human must be forgotten – and staying alive is all that really matters.

There has been a prostituted class in most cultures, most male political systems of organising societies, most male-formed religions make excuses for the sex trade.

It cut across all periods of history, it is excused by every continent.

It is named as pleasure, leisure, work, a way to cure female poverty – never named as exploitation and genocide.

To build a road towards abolition, and getting full justice and access to humanity to all of the prostituted class – we must stop making excuses and making it complicated.

We must recognise what we are dealing with – even use the language of slavery, the language of human rights, the language of torture – heck, many exited women would name punters, users and sex trade profiteers as evil – we would know and name the destruction of the prostituted class as genocide.

Please place the multiple voices of exited women at the fore-front and centre of all of the fight towards abolition – we know what male violence is – so stop dismissing us.

2 responses to “So Common

  1. Hello. I am a new reader of your blog and have huge respect for what you say. Each word that you write goes deep into my heart and Spirit. I hear you loud and clear, I believe you 120% and I will never dismiss you or other exited women. I always had a dark feeling about prostitution but it was Andrea Dworkin who first put the clear and alarming reality of it into my mind. I would say you are like the Andrea Dworkin of today, but saying so would be to not recognize the uniqueness of you.

    Your words keep me grounded in the reality of prostitution/porn, and when I get into these conversations with people there is overwhelming resistance to the “radical” positions of sexual slavery, torture, genocide and violence, and before hearing Dworkin and now you, I used to get lost in the strong and loud derailing of minimizations, excuses and “happy hooker” delusions. I got lost because I didn’t hear the expert voices which are so powerful they cannot be ignored. So I am grateful for the stories you share — you and other exited women anchor me and clear my vision because you are the true experts of the hell that is porn and prostitution.

    I get so frustrated when people minimize the horror of prostitution/porn, so I can only begin to imagine how you feel when the endless excuse-making is thrown at you!

    Everything is so clear and simple in my mind except for the HOW to end male violence. This is where I get stuck.

    With Respect & Wishes of Peace to You


  2. Do you have any ideas about how to end male violence?

    Or should our gaze be towards providing/creating/fighting for resources and support for women who are at risk for getting snatched by prostitution and its profiteers?


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