Pain In My Heart

I need to write a post after my last post on the some of my reality of the punters.

I am listening to Otis Redding, music of my life, music I know more than by heart, it is the music that has always reach into my pain and grief, and reaches deep into the truth – the truth of those moments with punters, the truth of knowing you are sold as a disposable object – the truth that is an endless pain in my heart.

I am surrounded by a culture, a background noise and a world that refuses to look deep into the realities that so many exited women speak out – I am one of many and varied voices that so many choose to block out.

Why do you want and need prostitution to be harm-free? Why do you look for the fictional glamour so hard? Why do you feel the need to believe that unlike any other form of violence to women and children – that prostitution can be made safer if forced indoors?

Exited women are bemused at these questions – these questions plant huge pains inside our heart.

We cannot do anything but speak our truths, speak to the horrors that were our norms, we speak out hoping that our words can erode the terrible lies the sex trade lobby teaches outsiders to believe.

I cry in pain – cry as deer trapped inside a man-trap, cry to the mountains – every time I open a paper, every time there a debate on the radio or TV on prostitution, every time I am at a meeting – and I have to hear or read the solution must to have prostitution decimalised and put indoors.

In what universe?

I and many exited women – have said loud and clear for centuries that prostitution can never be made safe for the prostituted.

It is never safe as long as punters have permission to buy another human as goods to be fucked. She is made sub-human – so any rights to safety is made of no relevance.

In that environment – the location where the punter takes the prostitute is unimportant. When the prostitute is considered to be goods – it does not matter if it behind a pub, in a car, in a hotel, in a flat, in a sauna, inside a club, or any other location – the punter has full permission and expectations he can do any sadistic act he can imagine.

The punter can and will be sadistic for it is a non-human he is destroying. So beating up, raping, sexually torturing and even murdering a prostitute is a non-crime – more it is a non-event, as most punters can torture a prostitute then walk out as if nothing real had happened.

In many ways, for the punter nothing real has happened – for punter go to the prostitute filled with porn-fantasy – as they beat up, rape, torture and kill the prostitute it just a film inside their heads.

It means nothing to the average punter – for if one prostitute disappears or act as if she doesn’t like it, there are thousands more prostitutes to buy to fulfil their porn-dreams.

So tell me how any prostitute can ever be made safe with that mind-set.

In reality, the punters who make the decision to not be sadistic to the prostitute are rare – violence is the norm, violence is always the next punter.

In that reality, closing prostitution behind doors is all about hiding the violence and hate that is in all aspects of prostitution away from the outsider’s gaze, from any interference from outsiders.

Indoors prostitution is highly dangerous, for it give sex trade profiteers full permission to claim they will deal with any “trouble” in-house.

Trouble to most sex trade profiteers is not making enough money by selling women and girls as sexual goods.

Trouble for most profiteers is being labelled as pimps – so they re-brand themselves as businessmen – only their heart is as cold as any pimp.

Trouble for profiteers is not having a constant flow of prostitutes of all ages, all ethic grouping, who will any and all sex acts punters demand – no matter if they are trafficked or not.

Trouble for profiteers is never about the welfare of their goods – for it is all about supplying girls for as many punters as possible.

Indoors prostitution is all about silencing and giving up on hope for the prostituted class.

It is nothing to do with the prostituted being made safe.

The pain in my heart is screaming that anyone would want so much indoors prostitution is safe – so then they can pass onto more important issues than the genocide of the prostituted class as punters want they right to masturbate into living bodies.

I have written too much – my fury is hurting me too much.

I know that many who read are doing amazing work to forward abolition. I apologise for my pain and deep fury to you.

But not to those who think placing prostitution indoors is some kind of an answer. You need to look within yourself why you need to believe something so untrue.

Could it be you want prostitution to be put indoors so you can have access to prostitutes if you want? Could it be you want and need prostitution indoors – so then you walk on by and pretend it does not exist?


3 responses to “Pain In My Heart

  1. I think the answers to those questions are in your last paragraph, it is both. One you think you are entitled to sex, any way you want and trap it indoors, pretend the women choose and make the decor respectable. Two, you think yourself soo civilised and prostitution is just entertainment right? Make it nicer, so you don’t have to confront the lone, abused, strung out woman on the street and pretend it is all fun dress ups with a bit of kinky sex thrown in. Yes I do believe people are that fucking shallow and tepid. And I do not know how to wake them up to this. Sorry for the rant.


  2. don’t apologize for your pain and fury, let it OUT sister. your words are hitting my heart loud and clear, and my heart goes out to you and other survivors. i have always been pro-abolition but then sometimes second guess myself because of some prostitutes who very passionately argue for the right to prostitute, that they enjoy it/are happy/it’s their choice, etc. Your blog helps me see more clearly. what do you say to the women i mentioned who say they love their work/are righting for indoor laws/it’s empowering, etc.?


  3. Why should anyone, especially any given woman or any given child be stronger than the all (rotten) society? Even more, once these women and children have been trapped and enslaved, should they still be stronger than anybody else?..
    Really, is it their job, is it the job of the survivors to succed in surviving and rebuilding their lives, while still being almost the only ones to fight against all this shit, to be the only ones in charge to give a real help to other victims or potential victims, in order to certainly heal the all society, in order to stop the slavery and the murders of millions of women and children?
    Why should they be them, the super-heroes, more than anyone else, more than any other of us?
    But the truth is that it is exacty which is required from them.
    And others will have to continue to laugh or to ignore the issue.
    No, it is not up to them to proove everything and anything, all these high scale atrocities that are already well known, why would it be up to them to fight against all the obstacles that WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE thrown in their ways, even if they have to die in these fights or to give up very quickly, which will jeopardize their chances to rebuld a life and live for the first time.

    Their lives have been stolen and to my mind still are, because even what remains from their broken hearts, bodies, lives and hopes and their possible future is still under the control of this damned society, like are still controlled all women and children in sex trafficking, and all children and women that will come to birth, simply that.
    It is not up to them to proove, NO, BECAUSE THIS SOCIETY IS GUILTY,
    IT knows very well what’s happening in prostitution and has always known, since prostitution exists.. We are too naîve. It is what this damned society wants us to remain..
    I do not have any other solution to propose than to revolt and accuse firmly, but I don’t know how to do it in order it works..


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