Why I am Finding I Have Hit a Block

I am finding that writing this blog is scaring me.

I am finding that writing this blog is making my body remember all the torture that punters put into me.

I am finding I am ill, when nothing is physically wrong with me.

I read that Andrea Dworkin knew that writing to the truth is the most painful thing a woman can do to herself.

I also know from every cell in my body to not write would send me back into the deadness of being prostituted.

Writing to the truth is not just my work – it is my mission.

I turn on Spotify and find Hits of Dusty Springfield – music I know by heart – and then maybe I will write to the blocking of my truths.

I will say with gratitude and amazement at the loyalty and kindness of so many who read this blog – there are too many to name, but know I hold you in my heart as fear, pain and grief is in me.

I was thrown backwards by the callousness and relentless attacks by the pro-sex trade lobby.

Yes, I will come out strong, I will show them up for who they really.

I will state loud and in a clear voice – that the attackers of the sex trade are pimps, punters and all those who benefit from the status quo of the sex trade.

Stop thinking it is just trolls, just bored individuals – look with a clear eye how exited women are attacked.

If we dared to speak out in many voices, if we even have the appearance of having some connection – the sex trade lobby come down on us like a ton of bricks.

Look how all their arguments, points and views are always the same – like only a few people are writing them, or it a pre-planned script.

See how it is relentless – as if they were funded by say the sex trade with its endless bundles of cash, as if they can pay people to trawl the net for anything that exited women may say however light-hearted.

Look how cruel and without a heart it always is – say it could be written in pimp- or punter-language.

Then tell me it not a pre-planned attack to silenced all exited women.

Tell me if you were in the skin of an exited woman, that it would not scare you or shake you up.

Remember it is not just words to us.

We have been struck in rooms, on the streets – with punters verbally attacking us until we cannot hear their words any more.

We know that as punters mentally abuse us – they will rape us or beat us up, they may leave us to died if they want to.

We cannot always laugh at the words of punters – for our bodies and minds have known their hate and violence.

We know who and what pimps are.

They may call themselves – businessmen, independent escorts, providing tantric sex, drivers, bodyguards, friends of sex workers, a madam or whatever other label that hide the word pimp.

We know a pimp through their words, through their lack of compassion, through their desire to control and always have the last word, through their desire to gas-light us or those who believe us.

We know pimps are furious with all exited women for exposing their hate and violence – for showing them up as manipulators and liars.

We have every reason to fear the pimp in all his/her guises – we will fight them, but we could do with real support.

We need women who were not prostituted, but support abolition to see who and what pimps are.

They are not the few men on the streets in 70’s gears with their girls – through some of them may be pimps.

They are not the cartoon image from some music video – those some of them may be pimps.

No the danger of the pimp is how invisible they are, and how legitimate they have become.

Many are businessmen in suits and behind some desks – they will gather the money from destroying prostituted women and girls in a detached manner. These pimps do not get their hands dirty, they want to be seen as ordinary business folks – think they are more moral than a banker say.

Pimps can be women who will play on the guilt or confusion of the Left and feminists by saying they are just an escort, just a happy hooker, just an ordinary whore.

Only look with a clear eye and you see they may run a brothel, may control a escorting firm – these women are the management class. They are pimps.

For they speak the language of the pimp.

They speak to exited women as goods that must be controlled.

They will gas-light us, they will say we must be damaged or mentally ill, they say we were just unlucky, they dismiss all our words as lies.

Dig deeper and find how these women quickly trips themselves up.

They say things about how working for them would be safe, they speak nice about punters and dismiss the welfare of the prostituted, they put up new-age rubbish of prostitution being like a goddess or other made-up spiritual crap, they romanised the past without any evidence, they speak endlessly of the mythical Happy Hooker.

Dig deeper and find their heart is made of ice.

They throw exited women away, saying they are mad, bad, liars and hate real prostitutes.

If you choose to believe these pimps – you are deeply betraying all of the prostituted.

It is then I hit a block – the block of despair that yet again the prostituted class is abandoned, and yet again we have fight for our basic human rights on our own.

Of course, I know and are proud to be with the few non-prostituted women and men that get it, and are fighting with us for true justice and abolition.

But there are many who appear to get it – but do very little practical to help the prostituted fight the constant hate-speech from the sex trade lobby.

The words of sex trade lobby is all over Facebook, is inside comments on exited women’s blogs, and is wherever exited women dare to write to the truth.

Do you challenge this hate-speech as you would racism, anti-gay comments, or other comment celebrating violence to women and girls? Or do just let it go by, for you have decided that the prostituted do not get hurt or damaged by such hate – for we are too sub-human to have ordinary human emotions.

Am I being harsh? – Well maybe waiting for the Left and the majority of feminism to take seriously that it is hate-speech and to take seriously that it is an organised attack by the sex trade – has wound me down from being always nice who those do nothing but say – oh it must be hard.

I am sick of always being nice – when my beloved sisters and companions are getting slowly ground down.

The less you can do is to challenge the pimp- and punter- language when you come across it – whether in the computer you use, whether in the media you consume, whether in the entertainment you want, or whether said by those you thought were your friends.

Yes that is hard and will confront many emotions in you.

But you are not going to be made sub-human by a pimp or punter. You have not been raped, beaten and live with death as the exited woman has.

Please if you truly believe in abolition – stand up to the sex trade lobby and its hate-speech.

It helps to de-block me.

9 responses to “Why I am Finding I Have Hit a Block

  1. Dear, dear R.,
    Thank you for being so brave, so honest, so strong. Especially the strength in showing your vulnerability.
    I would like to send you 2 stories but I’m not sure if posting them as comments is the right way, I am sure you edit commetns anyway so I suppose I could just post them as comments and then you get them, but if there is some better way please let me know.
    Much love and strength,


  2. This woman is behind you all the way, fighting alongside you. You speak the truth about the deceptions of the sex/porn industry; the torture and enslavement; the dehumanization and sociopathic predation that prostituted women are subject to.
    Your strength, your courageous heart and flame-bright truth leads the way for ALL women. XOXO


  3. Rebecca, I know most of your anger is directed at pimps, punters, and the sex trade lobby. But what about the people that profess to be against Human Trafficking but conveniently hide behind labels like “prostitute”? If you are in the US you might have noticed stories about Secret Service agents getting into trouble regarding hiring of so-called prostitutes. I am questioning the label. I wonder if these women are trafficked and in some way are forced to do what they do. I am angry that the President of the United States is not acknowledging that this could be a Human Trafficking case. Maybe this is outside of what you want to say, but I’d love it if you’d share any thoughts on the subject. I just don’t want to see the media use the word prostitute as a cudgel to make these women unrecognizable as women and only as objects.



  4. I already know you are strong, and you can do this… There are a lot of people pulling for you, including me. Your work on this blog will always find an audience in me, and all of it will be re-blogged to my site, so that all of the folks who follow mine will see it as well…. hang in there, my lady…. you aren’t alone…. Blessed Be….


  5. Reblogged this on gigoid and commented:
    This post is important… the author needs and deserves all the support we can give her in her quest to regain her life, and some sort of healing…. Free our sisters, free ourselves….


  6. Thanks everyone.
    Willowdot – this post and blog is not about me believing in myself, for I do. It is about fighting for abolition of the sex trade – not my individual journey. I wrote this post to express my frustrations that exited women get so little practical support.


  7. I am 100% beside you, Rebecca. I know the sneaky tricks these people use to silence and discredit the voices of women who speak the truth, and the lengths they will go to to demoralise and isolate us. It is beyond frustrating. It can be soul crushing. Some have even posed as “friends” or allies and have drawn us into their “debate” only to smear and villify us with their hate-filled rhetoric. I will *always* be with you in spirit and defend you and any woman who dares to speak out. For you are a candle in the darkness, and I admire you from the bottom of my soul. Thank you for all you do. x


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