On Denial

I think it is easy to look only for the Happy Hooker, and not to want to know why she is speaking as a front for the sex trade.

All the time, too many outsiders assume that she said must be true. Let me say I believe they choose to say that because they in denial about the realities of the sex trade.

I have written many times of why most women embedded in the sex trade cannot know the reality of having no power, of knowing the punters and profiteers view them as sub-humans, that as sub-humans they are under the constant threat of being disposable.

That reality must be denied in order to survive.

I think it is natural and completely understandable for mostly women embedded inside the sex trade to say in a loud voice – they are happy, they are empowered, it is their choice to be there – that others should not judge them.

It is a natural reaction to living in a hell with no exit, to adapt and to think it all your own fault for being there.

It is impossible to know how thoroughly the sex trade has broken you down into nothing but a sex object – knowing that can and does kill.

It does lead to suicide, it does make the woman too vulnerable and open to violence acts from punters and profiteers – it is much safer to be in denial, when there is no real exit.

But what makes me furious is not those women – but that outsiders who make the choice not only to believe and hear that the sex trade must be ok, for a few women inside the sex trade say it is fine for them.

Many who make the choice to think the sex trade is fine and dandy, coz the women say it is – would not think like that when it comes to other violence to women.

Child abuse, especially incest – is often alongside the girl saying how she “loves” her rapist. How many take her word – and say leave her with abuser, we mustn’t judge must we. After it must be love, if she said it is.

The same goes for domestic violence and most acquaintance rape. Many women in those situations say they love their abuser, many forgive their abuser, many blame themselves for his violence.

That is seen as a natural reaction to male violence – but it also not seen as the truth.

There are refuges, there are rape crisis helplines, there is counselling for rape, child abuse and domestic violence. There is nowhere enough help – but there is a belief from most feminists that rape, child abuse and domestic violence is the fault of a structure of male violence – not the individual women’s flaws.

This is rarely true for the prostituted – we cannot rely on even feminists to not say it was our choice to be inside the sex trade – so why are we whining now.

Too many so-called feminists do look at the structure of the sex trade – but only at the individual flaws or strengths of the prostitute.

They do not look for the everyday breaking down of women from all backgrounds, all cultures, all lifestyle – broken down until they become dead enough to be consumable goods.

They don’t see the cynical ways the breaking down is done.

The isolating the women from any influences that may inform that the sex trade is not being caring, but is built on violence and dehumanising.

The constant brainwashing that if she dislikes or is disgusts any sexual or physical acts – that she will get used to it, it is part of her nature after all.

There is often propaganda spread to confuse – such as prostitution is just sacred service, in the past prostitutes were honoured and made goddesses, that all it is giving the “gift” of making men happy. If these people had their way, prostitution would be a state religion.

There are lies told about the men using the prostitute, lies that work on her guilt if she wants to exit. She is told they sad and lonely, told they are too ugly to get a “real” relationship, told it is a good for a man to get sex he wants that his partner won’t give him – told over and over and over two contradictory and dangerous lies – that it is her duty to stop “real women” getting raped, or she is better than an affair coz he can get sex that means nothing, than go back to his happy relationship. It just social work really.

The profiteers will manipulate her by always playing the game of acting like he cares about her welfare – but always “by accident” leaving her alone with sadistic punter/s – then acting as if he is sorry. Only this is repeated over and over and over and over until she is broken down.

It is from that environment that the Happy Hooker is formed – and you take that broken woman, and say she seems ok to me, so it must be fine.

You do this because you have no intention to know the conditions that destroying the prostituted.

You turn you back on the prostituted – then you continue to consume your porn, continue to go to lap-dancing clubs, continue to think stag-does must include strippers and or trips to a brothel, you can feel ok about sex tourism, you can use the net to get a prostitute when you bored.

Say she must be happy – and everything is fine than.

Don’t worry that you are destroying her essence – and you are making her sub-human.

I don’t have to be nice about your denial – for you are part of the genocide of the prostituted.

2 responses to “On Denial

  1. Wow, you bring up so many points as always, Rebecca.

    “Many who make the choice to think the sex trade is fine and dandy, coz the women say it is – would not think like that when it comes to other violence to women.”

    This is a REALLY excellent point and not one I have heard discussed previously. But it is true. So very true.

    Your ending “the genocide of the prostituted,” was really powerful. Because that’s what it is. Whether the prostituted are alive and manage to exit, the awareness of what men are all-too-willing to do will always be there with them.


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