I have decided to be open about some anger that many exited women have, including me, about the continual side-lining of the sex trade in most campaigns against violence against women and girls. Also the often ignorant ways that exited women are treated by women working in that arena.
I find this very hard to do – for it is stuff we cry, rage and say to each other about, but in some misguided sense of sisterhood, we keep private.
But I cannot stay private, for I have had too much of trying to mend our broken hearts after each betrayal.
We want to be part of the movement against violence against women and children – but we can’t with the constant exclusion.
We want to say how we believe that the violence inside the sex trade underpins all other form of male violence to women and children – but that is silenced.
Instead, we are kept in the victim-role or the individual strong woman role – never given a real space to speak politics and how the sex trade is the blueprint to making women and girls unequal, as sex objects there can never be equality or even the smallest piece of respect.
There can never be an end to male violence against women and girls, as long as males have the prostituted class to treat as their private porn-toys.
As long there is the prostituted class – men have permission to rape without consequences, to use any and form of sexual torture as an entitlement.
Men can and will murder the prostituted class – will murder on the scale of a genocide, but it is made invisible by replacing the goods.
Continually I go to meetings, read articles, hear at demos about the sexual torturing of non-prostituted women and girls. There is a deafening silence about the normalisation of sexual torturing inside every aspect of the sex trade.
Look at hard-porn, and see that every form of sexual torturing is rehearsed on the bodies on those women and girls – and then taken into the “real” women and girls.
But more important, the bodies of women and girls inside the sex trade are tortured in many ways that is keep behind closed doors.
I suppose that is coz this torturing is framed inside the illusion that prostituted women have chosen to be there – then it is made easy for other women not to care or even see our pain and terror.
It can seemed ok if you buy the propaganda of the sex trade – that the prostituted can be empowered, that any violence is fake, look the prostituted are enjoying it, see they are smiling.
Too many women who are very good at other forms of male violence against women and girls believe the veneer of the sex trade – and by doing so they are selling out the prostituted.
They believe it can made safer if put behind closed doors – but think it highly dangerous for non-prostituted women and girls indoors, with the increase likelihood of domestic violence and rape.
They see that women and girls inside the sex trade may smile and say they are empowered – but take no account of brainwashing, of having no hope of exiting so being “happy” is the only thing let. The Stockholm Syndrome is taken serious with battered women, with child sexual abuse – but prostituted women and girls are said to speaking the truth, when they are in conditions of violence and brainwashing so intense, that most women who speak for them would destroyed by it.
We are just pushed away, as being inconvenient.
Well, I very proud to keep being inconvenient.
I will never see how any one can believe that male violence will end if the prostituted are kept inside a box.
We understand the cold calculation of male violence – we know in our minds and bodies that men love having access to the prostituted class.
We were invented by men to do any and all mental, physical and sexual violence onto – but with the added bonus of it being made invisible, having no need for guilt or their actions for society condones it as harm-free.
What angers so many exited women, is that too many women who campaign against violence against women and girls collude with keeping the sex trade invisible.
They collude with forcing us back into being sub-humans again.
Each time, we think we can ask for help or just get a listening ear – and hear just did you not choose it, if it was that bad how come you are alive, no-one made you be a prostitute or to be inside porn – our trauma is increase.
Each time we are turn away because we do not fit your stereotype of a woman in porn or prostitution – what you mean you did not take hard drugs, you enter as an adult so it was your choice, you did indoors prostitution so it wasn’t that bad then, you are not poor, and so many more excuses to turn us away. You turn us back into trauma.
But you decide trauma is our personal weakness, and if we forget about politics, and do individual healing – then you feel you done your duty, and go back to dealing with real violence to real women and girls.
Our trauma is huge by now.
For our trauma come from grief and fury at this utter betrayal.
We could teach you so much about male violence – but you choose to silence us.
I say that with sorrow – but look to yourselves please.