The Elephant in the Room

Whenever there are discussions about porn, there is everything spoken about except the violence and degradation done to the women and girls inside the porn.

Everything else is spoken, every other group affected is talked about – but the women and girls damaged in the making of porn are made almost invisible.

There is constant chat about how some men being addicted to porn – like that makes it ok then to view sexual torture and mental abuse of women and girls.

There is sorrow felt for partners of porn users – how their sex lives are damaged, how they may be forced to re-enact porn to keep their relationship.

There is the constant dripping of what is wrong with porn is that is fake sex – that the women inside porn are just plastic, that if they can fake orgasms on demand, then the pain is fake –  that what may look like abuse is just acting.

There is suggestion that porn is damned good way of women and girls earning tons of money quickly.

There is the propaganda that porn will and should improve couple’s sex lives – that porn is some kind of sex education.

There is the emotional blackmail that if you even think porn could be damaging – you must be a prude, a man-hater, someone who wouldn’t know good sex if it hit you.

Oh everything and anything is said about porn.

But always standing firm is the elephant in the room.

What is it to be inside porn for women and girls, especially how it feels and how it is damaging for them.

The elephant is what is really done to women and girls to be made into wanking material.

I speak as someone who lives with the trauma of being made living porn as a prostitute, and someone who was filmed for cheap porn on a regular basis.

I speak as someone who hears and reads the testimonies of exited women from porn and or being prostituted and put into porn – their voices are my backbone to my politics.

For I not only believe their testimonies – but feel inside my bones their grief, their remnants of pure terror, their confusion of how to fit into a world without violence, degradation and being inside other’s control. I know they speak the truth in every cell of my body.

We speak to each other, we share writing with each other – but when we speak of the damage in public, we are continually silenced.

It is made out if it was bad, it was only an individual experience – but most women inside porn are fine and maybe empowered – we were probably damaged goods before entering porn.

This is nonsense in so many ways.

If you look closely at porn – not erotica, but porn – you will see that most of profitable part of the market is for men to view women and girls being violently sexually degraded.

This means it is normal to do anal sex beyond pain, to be fisted with rage, to be doubly or even treble penetrated, to be gang-banged, to be nothing but holes to be fucked – that is the reality of porn for most women and girls inside it.

But others want it to be pretty, want to be educational, want it to have some class – in wanting that, exited women’s voices must be excluded.

It must not be known that most women and girls inside porn are deeply interconnected with prostitution.

There is the connection that many if not most women and girls inside porn have or will be in other aspects of the sex trade – whether in lap-dancing, escorting, street prostitution, saunas, from brothels etc. Porn wants women and girls that are deaden, and are robots who will do any sadistic sex without complaining.

The sex trade knows it has a constant flow of these women and girls that are dead enough to receptacles for all men’s hate and fear of women and girls.

That is the reality of porn.

But although we try to deaden most of the pain and terror – we never could, and those of us lucky enough to exit live with the extreme trauma of that torture.

We have a growing rage that our lives are dismissed – when our truths could help to understand the depths of male hatred and fear of women and girls.

Our truths would explain that porn is nothing to do with sex as communication or education – that porn is about sexual torture, porn is about making women and girls into dirt – that is silenced.

For to know it is torture, is know that is to know it is a human rights issue – once known it cannot be forgotten.

When seen as torture, it hard not to want radical change, or many to strive for the abolition of not only porn, but the whole of the sex trade.

All we asked is that our voices are taken seriously.

One response to “The Elephant in the Room

  1. I’ve been reading so many stories from ex-porn stars and their experiences are horrifying, disgusting, enraging, heartbreaking… porn stars and prostitutes are truly at the frontlines of male hate, of the war against women. for it’s not just the conservatives who are guilty of waging this war… it is from all over the male population.


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