I want to say there has been a mis-reading of my last post, an avoidance of the central issue of it.
It was not about me wanting to kill myself, it was not even about me wanting to harm myself.
It was not even about me as an individual.
It was about how difficult it is for survivors of the sex trade to live in a world that trivialises the realities of porn and prostitution..
I was writing of that pain, and that embedded grief.
I was writing of seeing fun images in advertising, on TV, in films, in art galleries – fun images of the sex trade are daggers to our hearts.
I was writing of being inside meetings where we should be relaxed and safe – meetings with feminists, meeting with Leftists, meetings with folks who are very ethical – and having to hear over and over and over ignorance, arrogance, telling us whether we are real whores or not and some hate speech about survivors of the sex trade.
I was writing of being forced into other’s stereotype of what a prostitute is, what a stripper is, what a porn actress is, what an escort is. If we don’t fit, then our lives are of no importance.
I was writing of being told that the fact that a great many survivors have no outward signs of the trauma that is their shadow – they do not fit stereotypical views of being mentally damaged, they may not show wounds that shadowed them every day – that many survivors do not fit the victim-role. Then we are told over and over and over, it can’t have been that bad – or wouldn’t we be dead, if there really was that much sexual torturing.
Yes, I think I may have written badly.
But don’t dismissed my politics, by seeing just me as an individual contemplating suicide.
I believe I view my thinking of death is a metaphor to say this world that is led by the nose by the propaganda of the sex trade is impossible for survivors to live in.
But we have the strength and courage to live anyhow.
I do not want to stop speaking out – and I want to speak out without fitting in any stereotype that make others feel safe.
Knowing the realities of being inside the sex trade should not be made comfortable, is not an academic game, is not just a certain type of woman or girl, is not just in cultures you dislike and not in cultures that you adopt, is not about the red herring whether women freely choose the sex trade or not.
The sex trade is scary, is nasty, will make feel sick, is a crime against women’s and girl’s human rights, will put deep grief inside you.
To truly believe survivors of the sex trade – you must feel anger, you feel helplessness, you must feel deep sadness, you will feel disgust at what men did to us – just don’t feel detachment and it is nothing to do with you.
That is just another excuse for inaction.
So when I speak of death – my finger is pointed at the inaction of all societies to end the sex trade.