Fear of What Inside My Head

I have been trying to write for about ten hours – but I really scared of the power of my pain, my grief and my rage this week.

I need to write more than ever.

It at this point I can see clearly what I often push away – see the places where reformers would say prostitution is ok.

A constant call of reformers of prostitution is the demand that it most be made safer.

This usually can be translated as get off the streets and not seen by us – and hide it away indoors.

Indoors is unseen, it is viewed as private.

Private means that reformers can pretend and make themselves believe there is limited violence, that it is only a little bit degrading – for what they don’t see must not exist.

God, indoors prostitution is the most common form and is the most profitable. There is no way, the sex trade will place the safety of prostituted women even on their radar.

Know prostitutes are not viewed as humans, they are goods that is all.

This is true whether they on the street, in a hotel, brought from the net or working in a club – the prostitute has no rights to be fully human, her purpose is serve male demand.

I know reformers focus on  finding the few prostituted women who freely choose their lifestyles – but that is yet another way to avoid looking at the male violence and that the sex trade destroys the vast, vast majority of the women and girls that go through it.

The thing is if a few women have such privilege to freely chose prostitution – that is to choose knowing no john will ever rape her or use her sadistically, that is to have the choice to tell johns to leave without consequences of violence, that they enter prostitution without experiencing child abuse or domestic violence, that is they do prostitution for fun not a need for the money, that is they can leave any time without threats or constant mental abuse to re-enter.

If women have those privileges to make a free choice to be prostituted – then she has the freedom to not be a prostitute – and not be part of system that is built on the degradation and destruction of most prostituted women and girls.

Otherwise she is part of the problem – using her privilege to promote the sex trade, and leading more women and girls into that hell.

The sex trade uses these happy prostituted women to recruit vulnerable teenage girls – saying look you could be that rich, and there is no danger really.

Just look how the sex trade is infiltrating universities – using that they are worried about cash, to say look we will pay you loads. Work in our clubs, do a bit of escorting – it just harmless fun.

The happy prostitutes are all over the media – on the news, on morning TV, in most documentaries on prostitution, on the radio.

It the myth that we must be even-handed reporting prostitution – even when speaking of trafficking, murders, recruitment of the under-aged – we must say but remember the sex worker, she is happy.

I am ranting here, so sorry, if this may not connect or even make sense – but my mind is exploding with pain, rage and grief.

It is just where were the reformers when women like me – here I speaking for millions of women – were or are being brutalised.

Or do the reformers deal with our hell, by re-branding it, so they can walk away without having to care too much.

I live in a world that re-branded sexual torture as kinky sex or advertise it as s/m.

I can handle the profiteers doing that – why would they give a shit, as long the cash was flowing.

I understand, whilst hating, the johns imaging it was wanted sex, coz in their minds all whores choose to be there, and if they say they up for sadistic sex then that’s ok then.

What I can’t handle is reformers saying they care about the safety of prostituted women – but making the choice to believe that prostitutes who do sadistic sex enjoy it, and most of it is probably fake really.

We are just thrown away.

This rant is exhausting, I end here.

But it just a tiny part of my pain, rage and grief.

One response to “Fear of What Inside My Head

  1. It is exhausting surviving, but I have nothing but the confidence that you will thrive and nothing is scarier to the mongrels who support the pay-per-rape industry than a womon who speaks the truth with courage and conviction in her words.


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