My Middle

I thought I was happy.

Could not know otherwise, I made everything good – made every man a gentleman, every exchange a coincidence.

I did know my own truth.

I saw marks round my neck, so I stopped looking in mirrors.

I wore polo-necks.

I made myself happy.

I was happy as I drunk myself close to death.

Forgetting that I was drinking as a painkiller – killing anal rape, killing gang-rapes, killing knowing being a porn-toy.


No drink was ever enough to fully destroy the pain.

I made myself be happy.

I knew how to smile.

Smile as managers move round to yet more violence.

Smile as fear, pain and hell was my everything.

I smile towards my own living death.

I was so happy, I advertise my joy.

With dead anger I challenge anyone to condemn me.

I fucked men, I used men, I got money, I was treated as a princess.

I ignored my cunt screaming, ignored my anus in agony, ignored cuts and bruises on my body.

By god – I was the happy hooker and be proud of that.


The silent screaming knows I was lying.

Lying in order to stay alive.

4 responses to “My Middle

  1. The Ontario Supreme Court has just decriminalized prostitution in Ontario. Specifically, it has decriminalized communicating for the purposes of prostitution, living off the avails and keeping a brothel. Do you mind sharing your opinion on legalization in this context? The stated aim is to make prostitution safer for the women. Lawers for the Crown however were arguing that prostitution is inherently unsafe for the women and therefore should remain illegal.
    I used to be for legalization (that is, making the johns be penalized rather than the pros), thinking that it would make life easier for the women. Now that my eyes are opened to the true nature of the sex industry, I am looking at it from a different perspective.
    An article:


  2. Whilst one can’t disagree with the Judge, women are exposed to great harm but harm does NOT come from the secrecy and even the legal status but from those that harm prostitutes and they are the women’s partners, pimps and the punters!!!

    I agree their should be decriminalisation of prostitution but I think that needs to be backed up with the criminalisation of demand, buying and procuring prostitution.

    When we deal with drink drivers we do not blame the people who lend up in traffic accidents because of the drink drivers, we do not advice people not to go out at Christmas time just in case a drink driver gets them or to be careful driving home and if you get smashed into it was your own fault because you knew drink drivers were out there or advise people tie matresses around their cars to protect themselves.

    No we hold the drunk driver accountble!!! I think it has to be the same for the buyers of sex – they need to be held accountable for their own actions and the consequences of their demand, i.e. trafficking, violence, rape, murder, sexual and commercial exploitation etc. Their demand and inflated blief in their right and entitlement to access women when they want to as long as they can afford it is what fulls they continued abuse of women.

    It suits some people to exchange the word victim for worker or even business woman, it’s sort of empowering and for some women it will be but their empowerment can’t be at the cost of the harm prostitution causes so man other woman.

    I do think there are wee grey areas. I would rather women worked together in a co-op situation than in a sauna or something but lets not romanticise the reality of prostitution and kid ourself on that that is in the majority of prostitutes have the resources or ability to do this.


  3. I worry very much about the worldwide drive to push prostitution indoors, and to make it legal.

    I do not believe this does anything for the safety and welfare of the majority of prostituted women and girls. Rather a great deal of indoors prostitution is highly dangerous, for it closed away from the public gaze, and is policed in-house by the profiteers of the sex trade.
    Behind closed doors the john is given full permission to be as violent as he can imagine, and used her as long as his money last.

    Brothels have never been about the safety and welfare of prostituted women and girls – but easy profit for the greedy, and easy access for any man who think it is his right to buy a woman or girl for his sexual wants.
    Her physical and mental welfare is of little or no importance.

    There can never be full justice for prostituted women and girls until men are unable to buy and sell anywhere, under any disguise.


  4. Thanks for your input, both of you. And Cat, that’s a good analogy to think about (drunk driving, and putting the blame where it belongs).


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