I have writing this blog through some very hard times, and re-discovering the hell that was my life in the sex trade.
I have often felt this too much, too sickening, too much trauma, too many people trying to shut me up, too many body memories, too much knowledge of male hatred to women and children – just too much too much.
But the wonder of doing this blog is how much support and love I get from doing.
I have meet some amazing women through this blog – meet in person and on-line. Many of them have become true friends, many more are fighting hard to help end the sex trade.
I can never say enough how heartening this is me.
For as an exited prostituted woman, fighting the sex trade is very lonely and often terrifying.
I know that I, and many of the courageous exited women who speak out against the conditions and practices of the sex trade, are hated with a white heat by the profiteers of that world.
We were not expected to remain alive. It was thought that if we somehow survive, that the tortures done against were too terrible for words.
We are hating for not dying, for keeping our sanity – and by god, we are hated with a passion of those who have cut out their hearts, for not forgetting what was forced into us.
When we speak out, the sex trade wants us dead.
They don’t want a political argument with us, they won’t reason with us. Why would they, when they view us as sub-human who should submitting to their will.
They will dismiss all our words as delusional, we were very unlucky, we are lying coz we enjoy it really, we just being manipulated by mainly feminists and or some religious group.
Really we would so much more happy if we just came home to the sex trade, they will always have a place for us.
This poison is pour into every exited woman who the courage to speak out against the sex trade, especially if she will not shut up.
That is where friends are vital, they can and do become life-savers.
It reminds me I am not fighting alone, but there is a strong and growing network condemning the sex trade, and wanting real change.
It gives me back my sense of humour, and brings alive all my other interests.
It means there someone on the end of the phone, in person and in the net who is by my side – not as a professional, but a long-term friend.
Having friends give you that you are fully human.
It is a life-saver.