Listening to Bach

I am in such pain, I suppose that Bach may help. It may sooth me.

But I will take neurofen as well, just to help me sleep.

All my fear is in my body.

All their hate is in my body.

All the I don’t want this is reminds me that I am alive is in my body.

All the how you not getting  fucked is my body.

All the you my property to fuck, to batter, to make into porn is in my body.

All the women and girls that went missing are in my body.

Every rape is in my body.

Every suffocating as mouth and throat was filled with penises and stuff.

Every not again as my anus could never run away from being killed.

Every hit to my stomach, to my head.

Every fucking in the vagina with no protection.

Every pinning down, tying up, laying into, and giving no hope.

Every strangulation, every putting my face in water, every battering into walls.

Every it is just a game, you got no sense of humour.

Every knowing there are men outside the door listening and wanking, waiting their turn.

Every knowing that managers know every violence, did nothing but counted the profit.

Every police raid for drugs, ignoring the girls under-aged, ignoring our pain, our dead eyes, just saying fucking whores and moving on.

Every person who decided there no prostitution in Cambridge, that only happens in London.

Every piece of money that burns into my heart.

Every time I wanted a bed so much, I could not care the price my body had to pay.

Every time I had sex as a way to kill myself.

Every time I thought my mum might help, only to told you get what you deserved.

Every time I trashed my room coz I had nothing else I had power over.

Every time I cut into my arms, I drunk to be drown, I took overdoses – just to have some kind of a break.

Every time I hear reggae, and am sent back to dancing for men, to acting the whore.

Every time I know the only woman I could truly love was destroy by that world.

Every time I remember that I could only leave after touching death one too many times.

Every time I know the force of will, the utter courage and never giving up that it takes to exit all that shit.

That is body memories for me. That is the true damage of prostitution.

That is why I am a fighter, a warrior,

But neurofen and Bach sure help.

One response to “Listening to Bach

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