I thought that I could write down statistics and quotes from “Men Who Buy Sex”, and then get on with my life.
I was wrong.
It has triggered a massive reaction. I cannot sleep without the memories in my body and their words running through my mind.
I am so sick, their poison is in me. I am sick but I never get better.
I feel this paper is wonderful, for it brings to the public view all that johns would prefer to stay hidden.
Much of what is in this paper, many whores knew in their guts, but felt no-one would believe that johns were that callous and selfish.
REACTION TO STATISTICS
In some ways it was a relief to have statistics that reflected so much of my reality, and the reality I felt from other survivors of the sex trade. A reality where johns see and know that are massive harms and damage done to prostitutes – and they still fuck her.
A reality that she is made into a whore, so he can say to himself no harm was done – she is not fully human after all.
To know the majority of men interviewed used indoors prostitution, was something that run true to me.
Most johns want the “privacy” of indoors prostitution, where there little chance of being humiliated by the police disturbing him, where he can do any sexual act with as much time as he needs, where extras are the norm, where the prostitute will look happy, where if he see control by pimps/managers he can make that invisible.
Indoors prostitution is designed to ease the john, to clear away any scruples or morals that get in the way.
Indoors prostitution makes the johns believe that the prostitute is only there coz she loves pleasing men, so where is the problem.
I was not surprised that these men used many locations. After all, if you choose to see prostitutes as sub-humans, than why not pick and mix.
That these men often could not equal rape with prostitution was no surprise, it is normal to be raped as a prostitute.
But to have the bald statistics on the page, to copy them onto my blog – to just read or hear them – and my sickness is overwhelming.
Yes, johns rape prostitutes on a regular basis, and those rapes are so common that the individual prostitute cannot have the language of rape to described her experiences.
She just has deadness and knowing more rapes are coming at her.
How can she know it is rape when johns see that as “ridiculous”, how can that not be absorbed into her.
To survive she often most view her rapes as just her job, just constant bad luck, just coz she likes rough sex, or just coz she doesn’t know what “good sex” is for she had been abused before she enter the sex trade.
As the johns used the excuse of being carried away or their high sex drive, it is absorbed by the prostitute so she can make the rape disappear.
Too often, after violent sex, after being close to death, after extreme degradation – I would re-invent it as he went too far, but he didn’t mean it really.
I would make it ok by knowing it was his right to go too far, for that was my role to take that.
Rape is invisible in prostitution most of the time.
What angers me is that johns will and do rape prostitutes all the time – but then say it prevent rape.
Oh, I forget it prevents the rapes of real women, silly me, a prostitute is never real.
Even if this is true, which is not proven that these same men don’t sexually abused other women and girls, I don’t bloody care.
Not whilst prostituted women and girls are being raped till they have no feeling left, till they accept sexual violence that many choose to believe doesn’t exist.
Not whilst the raping of prostituted women and girls makes use drugs and other means to be dissociated from their reality, the raping makes many prostituted women and girls commit suicide, not whilst johns rape and sometimes murder these women and girls they class as sub-humans.
If you choose to believe that prostitution decreases rape, than you are throwing all prostituted women and girls.
I was shocked that johns knew and didn’t care that prostitutes had been abused as children.
Some might pretend they “care”, but not enough not to buy sex. Hey, he can just pretend she was not abused as a child.
To me, I know that not all prostituted women were abused as children, but that is not the point. I would say a huge majority of prostituted women had been abused before entering the sex trade.
I would say the vast majority of johns have no interest in what lead the prostitute to be brought by him.
He can pretend she was not abused, she is the happy hooker – he can pretend that coz most whores play that role in order to survive.
Even if in the back of his mind, he may think she is not happy, he will still get what he has paid for.
The costumer is always right.
REACTION TO THEIR QUOTES
The words of the men sent me back to the hate and patronising views I have to blank out so much.
Their words rung true to me, for they make me sick.
I hate their lies and justifications.
“just like getting a beer”.
God, that is so true. Johns fuck the prostitute, use violence and degrade her – and it is nothing to them. It is forgotten quickly. I mean who remember pints of beer on a night out, who remember fucking a whore in the next day – it was just what men do.
I was struck by one man saying his first experience, the prostitute was totally submissive. That was his opening.
Being submissive is a requirement for most whores, she must do and be whatever the john decide that he wants. Her will and individuality is of no importance, she must be his sex-toy.
But, she also should act as if he the centre of her universe, that his sexual performance is unique and so amazing, she must be happy with him. Not a “slab of flesh” just lying there to be fucked by him and hundreds of other men.
He must feel special.
Johns want that, but they also want to know they are in control and the prostitute do –
“what real women would not put up with”.
That she will be sexually tortured, will be filmed, will not mind being beaten up, will do rough anal and oral sex, and on and on and on.
She has no real feelings, so any sexual acts is ok, coz she cannot be degraded or know pain. She is not a real woman after all.
But if she dares to show she is in pain, if she cries, if she looks scared, if she tries to say no, if he catches the dead look in her eyes – then she has “spoils the idea”. She is too real.
She must stay a fantasy, coz then the violence is not real.
She is made by him absorbing porn and wanting to have a constant flow of women and girls to copy that fantasy.
Porn shows no pain without it being wanted, no degradation without it appearing that it leads to an orgasm and that women want to be controlled by men.
That is what johns take into prostitute’s bodies, poisoning their hopes and dreams with that porn.
As someone who lived inside the hate of johns, I have found hearing and reading their words very hard.
Their quick fuck or even slow control meant little or nothing to them, but has left me with a lifetime of trauma.
Sure, I have done very well with rebuilding my life and speaking out against the sex trade.
But, the poison of their hate is inside me.