It is Not About All Women

Part of my sickness of my soul, comes from the constant refrain from feminists that prostitution is about all women.

On a very profound and emotional level, this is not true. By saying that, I hate to remind you, you are making prostituted women and girls invisible.

You are placing them into sub-human. I know you think you are not, but my gut, my heart, my intellect, my memory, all tell me that you are.

Think about the expression –

All women are treated as whores.

I am sure that hurts your feelings. The word “whore” may be a knife to your heart.

But to treated as a whore, is not to be a prostitute.

To have men staring at your body, to have men wolf-whistling you as do your day-to-day stuff, to even to be asked to have to have sex by a strange man on the street – that is not to be a prostitute.

For you have the freedom to say no, you will walk away. You have the mental space to be offended, hurt or to be scared.

You are not a prostitute.

A prostitute does not even notice men staring at her body, that is her role from before she can remember. Being asked for sex by a stranger is her norm – she will react like Pavlov’s and say yes as she feels her body deaden.

It is nothing to her – for she has been made into nothing.

I so sick of being told prostitution is just like being raped – but just a bigger scale.

That really misses the whole reality of prostitution, and it will silence survivors of prostitution.

Rape is in the context of shock. It can be an event, not the norm in your life.

To know that you have been raped, means you living in an environment where you can recognise a wrong has been done to you.

I know you will not get justice on most occasions, but you have the mental space to know that you have had poison poured into you.

Many rape survivors have friends or family who believe them.

Being raped is a ripping apart of your normal life – but with love and belief your life will come back.

That is not prostitution.

Prostitution is structured to make rape normal. Rape is nothing when you are prostituted.

There is no name for what from the outside is named rape.

How can it be named when it is all the time, when it your role, when every man who buys is taking sex without giving a damn if you are alive or not.

How can it be named when to survive there is no feelings of violation, no memory that these vicious sexual acts can so full of agony, no idea that it could be wrong.

How the hell can it be named as rape, when you know there be no justice, no idea that being a whore doesn’t mean every fuck is your choice and because you never be like other women who can be raped – no a whore cannot be raped, it is her role to be holes for men to fuck.

That is the ugly truth of being prostituted.

Don’t call it rape – call it sexual torture, sexual brainwashing, being forced into nothingness. If you must call it rape – say it is on an industrial scale, see it is rape without hope of the end, see it rape that is made invisible and into “it is just a job, ain’t it”.

I find very hard to write at the moment, coz my pain and anger is overwhelming.

I just write this post to say don’t make the realities of prostitution invisible by always saying just an extreme version of being a woman. Whether that is true or not, please know how silencing that is – and how it comes across as patronising or dismissive.

For many prostituted women and girls trapped inside the sex trade, it is as if they inside a concentration camp .

It is a world that appears to have no end. To survive, you have learned or adapt to do and become whatever is demanded off you, when it is degrading and highly dangerous.

To survive, most prostituted women and girls force their minds to not know the violence, the hate, the degradation and the terror. None of that is real, as that becomes unreal, the prostitute will find she does not exist.

To be a prostitute, your only existence is in the eyes of those who have use for you – whether that is to fuck you, to sell you, to see you as the ultimate victim, to see you as happy hooker, to every and any image of the prostitute that is the cultural norm.

To be a prostitute, is to have no existence outside the minds of others.

To be a prostitute, is be dead inside, but always functioning and often coming across as strong.

I know all women are roles – but most have large parts of their lives where they know their own essence.

To be prostituted, is when alone to find there are no thoughts, no ideas, no sense of who and what you are. To be prostituted, is to be a puppet that only comes alive in the gaze of others.

That is the hell that is named prostitution.

If feminism is to go forward with its war to end prostitution, it must separate out how prostitution is not the same the life experiences of all women.

Listen and learn the realities of prostituted women and girls.

I sure it will hurt and be hard to hear our truths.

But listen without comparing – for then you are able hear with respect.

8 responses to “It is Not About All Women

  1. ‘Listen without comparing’- absolutely.

    Even if there is a continuum of male violence, it is very different being at the prostituted end to being where people like me are. It is always wrong for us to assume we know what it is to be prostituted.

    A particularly repulsive reaction that comes from misguided (or plain malicious) comparison is seen when people who seek to support prostitution end up discussing their own sexlives and practices in an attempt to suggest that acts done to prostitutes are ‘chosen’ by the victim and thus acceptable. I’ve seen this selfishness a lot, and it is repugnant.

    It’s not all about you, or your pathetic sexlife.
    It’s about prostituted women.


  2. I’ve tried a few times to write a reply and it’s not been going well. Thanks for writing this.

    I’m trying to think about what to take away from this. Prostitution isn’t some scale of oppression where its at the extreme end of any womans potential experiences, its wholly different ’cause prostitutes exist in a system where the sexual abuses are “normal” so they can’t name it or act on it ’cause its just how things go, just, existing being handled by people and for people. N’people don’t recognize the torture as torturous

    Whereas women who aren’t prostitutes, when things happen to them, they’re events which can be named and pointed at and such? Like, they’ve got the luxury of being able to pinpoint a problem, and know its a hideous or oppressive thing, rather than the belief that ‘thats just how life goes?’

    Thanks for telling your truths. I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts lately.


  3. Thanks you all, I am and was terrified to print this. But my prostituted self needed these words to be public, not a rage in my body that is slowly destroying me.
    It needed to be express that the trauma of prostitution is have no adequate words for what we were forced to live inside.

    Laurelin – Thanks so much for being open to see that there is difference, and not being offended or hurt when I express that.

    Cellycel – Thanks so much your very thoughtful comment. I am very moved.

    Heart – Deep respect to you too.

    Sam – Thanks so much, I was so scared writing what I did, it means an awful lot your support.


  4. I love this post and your incredible honesty and courage. I have not experienced what you have, but I believe every word you say. It got me somewhere deep in the solar plexus and that is where the truth usually kicks.
    There IS a difference between rape and prostitution, of course. People see rape as a crime against the victim, but society generally sees prostitution as some type of choice (spitting bullets here) on the part of the woman, and at that level she must hold responsibility for the crime. Also, as money changes hands the prostitute is viewed as culpable or a willing accomplice. Oh GOD I’m turning purple with rage, here and I don’t even have to live with what you do.
    I commend your bravery and I think what you are doing is TRUE AND BEAUTIFUL.
    You are taking what has hurt you most and refusing to let it continue to abuse you in silence. Speak out, sister! Our hearts are with you. xo


  5. Thanks Mothership so much, I am so moved by your comment, thanks so much for seeing and acknowledging the differences between rape and being prostituted.
    The hardest thing of surviving prostitution is coming to terms that it was not a choice – but you were a victim. This is hard when so many others choose to view prostituted women as to blame or wanting any harm that is done. In this sick view, even being murdered is the fault of the prostitute.
    Thanks so much for your support.


  6. Your posts alwyas encourage me to go ahead.We need more actions in this way and more survivors telling their stories.Thanks you,now i have courage enough to tell at home that i almost were trafficked to Finland and i am about to get strat with a blog.It si still painfull to see that my country have been ignored by interntional organizations in this matter,but i go ahead.

    love and best wishes for you.


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