Terror is Real

I am in a very bad place, I know I will be alright – but terror is grabbing my throat, my heart, sickening my stomach – but I will be alright.

It a “crash” from being strong, crash is an understatement.

I would say I have only calm down slightly when imaging hurting myself, remembering how I use to try to kill myself.

Let state here, I have no intentions to self-harm. I just nowhere to place my pain and anger.

I have stare into the reality of my own terror, I stood in front 300 people and stated small parts of it. I have been in control, I have manipulated the whole audience.

But now, I am full of terror.

It is that I spoke the tip of the iceberg.  Now I am drowning in the rest.

Now my mind and body knows that I spoke truth that it was torture. I know in my sickness, I know in my self-hatred, I know as relaxing disappears.

My PTSD is a slow death – but hell I determined to live.

One response to “Terror is Real

  1. Thank you for speaking to us all on Saturday. I really appreciated your speaking out. Women have said to me since, that until they heard you speak they had never realised the whole extent of the problem. Even people who knew that the media lies, didn’t realise quite how little the public know what is going on.

    Thank you for telling us the truth.


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