Anger Crushed

Surviving the sex trade is hard, and is made harder by so stupid things others say.

As a survivor, I have learnt to not respond, but often the pain and anger crushes into me. It makes me sick, I have silent fury – I ignore, but wander away wounded.

I have learnt not to respond, because my words are used as a weapon against me.

In this post, I will a few of the most damaging stuff express to me.

I would say the vast of majority of people who say or write these things appears to think I am sub-human, and therefore I have no feelings to be hurt.

“If it was so bad, how come you are alive then.”

Well, this is not a ghost writing this. I am flesh and blood.

I know you say that, for you want to prove there no real violence, or if there was violence that I must of enjoy it really.

Do you not know there were survivors from concentration camps, that some survived atomic bombs, that many women survived battering, constant rapes, that many people survived torture everywhere.

Humans learn to adapt to the most horrific conditions. They live, they do not go mad, they keep their essence.

Would you not say torture, rape and battering were wrong. I bet you would if were men.

But suddenly when it is prostituted women and girls, if they are not dead – then it become clear there is no real harm.

Well, there are many women who have survived the sex trade. These women know torture, know rapes until you lose your body, know battering as a normal part of life.

These women are not just alive, they may speak out about the hate and degradation that is the sex trade.

Their voices will count.

Of course if you choose to defend the sex trade, then it would a hell of lot easier if these women were dead.

“You must remember that your story is just one side.”

The other side being the sex worker, the happy hooker, the men and women who enjoy using or making porn, the “decent” manager, the johns who are nice, that the sex trade is just about fun and liberation, that all about sexual freedom.

Well, sorry that other side is tiny and often is just a porn fantasy rather the reality of the sex trade.

The sex worker/happy hooker, who has no abuse from johns/pimps/managers, who has never been addicted to drugs or alcohol, who can totally choose what sexual acts are done and choose which johns can use her, who was never raped or abused before entering the sex trade, who is never raped as a sex worker, who can always get johns to use condoms, who controls men, who is rich, who can leave any time she wants –  I have yet to meet this superwoman and I know no one who has.

Of course johns want to believe they are controlled by powerful prostituted women, like most abusers they want to viewed as victims.

The image of sex worker/happy hooker means there is no rape, she just is willing to do what nice women wouldn’t. Any violence is just rough sex.  Any non-use of protection, is because women like her love taking risks.

The image of the sex worker/happy hooker is just a porn fantasy for johns to give themselves excuses for violence to women and girls, and say she just loved it.

“You are just ashamed, coz you enjoy it really.”

Yes, I loved being orally raped till I was unconscious. My idea of a fun night out is being gang-raped until I don’t know how I am alive. I loved being forced into a wall and anally so that I bleed for several days.

God, that was my leisure.

Do you go to men who were tortured – did you get a kick out of it.

Do you say to children who been raped – was it thrilling.

Do say to people who have survived a train accident – wasn’t it just fun really.

I bloody hope not.

But it ok to say to women who have survived the sex trade, it was fun wasn’t it.

For they do not feel pain, they do not get degraded, they just love sex that may put their lives and mental welfare in danger.

What you are saying is they are not fully humans, and you are superior to them.

“You say there is harm, but where’s the proof.”

The proof is in the massive rates of trauma in women that have exited the sex trade. The proof is that so many women and girls are murdered who are in the sex trade that it not news, just a common event.

The proof is the high rates STDs that johns give prostituted women and girls. The proof is that many women live with a lifetime damage from STDs or the violence forced into their bodies by the sex trade.

The proof is that allowing women and girls to be brought and sold is giving permission to make any and all violence done to them invisible – so the proof disappear like magic.

The proof is listening and hearing women who have survived the sex trade, and have the strength and courage to speak out.

There is proof everywhere, it is your choice to ignore it.

I will probably write more some other time, but for now I am exhausted.

If depression is anger crushed – then all this makes me bloody depressed.

2 responses to “Anger Crushed

  1. I am sorry Rebecca that you are being subjected to such vilifications and it is because you dare to speak the truth. Far too many men and too many women don’t want to hear the truth – far better to keep their hands firmly over their eyes and ears.

    It is very hard when one is constantly bombarded with these lies and apologism and yes it is very, very painful. But you are obviously being heard which is why these pro-prostitution apologists are working overtime in an attempt to silence you. Well they won’t succeed but I do recognise how draining it is having to deal with such hateful emails and lies.

    I’ve heard these lies innumerable times and as I’ve already said it is because too many men and women don’t want to face the truth. Maintaining the myth of the ‘happy hooker’ makes all the messy and complicated issues magically disappear. Far better to believe it is the ‘poor Johns’ who are the victims rather than the rapists and sexual torturers of prostituted women. Far better to believe prostituted women ‘choose’ prostitution rather than learn how so many women’s and girls’ lives are constrained and subjugated under our male supremacist system.

    Depression is anger turned inwards but it is because of trying to deal with the innumerable pro-prostitution apologists who are determined to silence anyone who dares to challenge male sex right to women is not a male right but is central to men’s oppression of women.

    However not all women and all men believe the lies and propaganda being widely promoted by pimps, johns and pro-prostitution apologists. The voices of those who oppose prostitution in any shape or form will never be silenced. Not forgetting of course listening carefully to those who have experienced prostitution first hand and refuse to accept the lies pimps and Johns tell them.


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