Dedicated to Laurelin.
Always it said that porn is just harmless.
I know in my skin, in my mind, in my heart – that that is utter nonsense. I feel I want to scream everytime I hear –
Prove the harm.
I want to scream –
Prove there is no harm to any woman or girl anywhere done in the name of porn.
Prove that readers and viewers of porn do not get a distorted view of women and girls, and how to fuck them.
Prove that porn is violence-free.
Prove that porn is educational, that porn “saves” relationships.
Prove that porn is not about objectfing women and girls into objects that are fuckable or unfuckable.
Prove that there is porn that is all about affection, respect and communication.
Prove that most porn is not made just for profit.
Prove that porn does have a huge market for men who want real pain, real terror, real humiliation, not acting.
That is just a few things I like to proved, before I would say porn is harm-free.
LET’S GET PERSONAL
I have lived a life where I have had the harms of porn poured into me.
My stepdad loved porn.
He loved porn where pain was etched into the women’s and girl’s faces, where he was turned on by their terror.
As he finger-fucked, as he eat me out, as he struck his dick into my throat – I had terror, I would on occasions that he was hurting me.
But that was ok, that was real sex. Hadn’t the pictures in Hustler said so. Hadn’t the porn films shown that.
He shown me images of girls being humiliated, girls being raped, girls being beaten up. He shown me, and I saw their dead eyes with a mask of a smile.
Without words, I look into porn and know I should not show my pain or terror, for then I know that made it happen more and only going to get worse.
Porn taught me to act dead.
It did nothing to stop the raping, nothing to give me a language of how to escape.
No the language it give me, was the language of the living dead. Language saying my body was no importance except for any man to fuck. Language where my no, my resistance had to vanished.
Porn give me only one route – the route to be a whore. For hadn’t porn taught me that was all I was.
To say it was inevitable that I became prostituted, is now for for me just a terrible fact.
Porn made me a whore. I was made into what men wanted, a non-complainer who took any pain, any degradation, any near-death “games”. I took the language that tore away any trace of dignity, language that made me remember that my only purpose was to be hated.
I as a whore felt and breathed the harms of porn every time johns rape me, every time that they sexually tortured me, and every time their words turn me to stone.
And as a whore, I used to make porn. I was not paid, I was not asked, I was just filmed, and maybe made a profit from.
I was filmed being gang-raped, filmed as I thought I was dying as hands and penises were stopping me breathing. I was filmed as anal raping sent in and out of consciousness.
That film is and was for wank material.
Maybe it was never shown anywhere, maybe it made a profit. It does not matter, coz the terror of knowing someone is filming my sexual torturing has impacted my whole life.
It is a record of how I turned into nothingness but goods for men to get orgasms out of.
Viewing me is viewing real raping, real degradation, real terror, real torture. That is porn, there is a huge market for that.
Porn nearly killed me.
And then others tell me it just harmless.
I say my personal story of having porn poisoning my ability to have a full life, because I know it very common.
That is the horror of porn, that each day it destroying women and girls before they have they chance to know their potential.
Look at my experiences of being filmed as a prostituted woman/girl, and then think where do the “actresses” for porn come from.
Make the connection that many prostituted women and girls are used to make porn.
They are cheap labour, often being disposable.
They will perform whatever sexual fantasy that will sell, no matter how painful, no matter if will give them diseases or long-term injuries, no matter about degrading them.
They are whores, so they have no rights. They are owned, that is the bottom line.
So, if you choose to view violent porn, you are choosing to view “actresses” being sexually tortured.
Do that if you want – but then don’t complain about torture by governments, don’t whine about animals rights, don’t campaign about forced labour.
Do not dare say you care about human rights, if in you leisure time you watch women and girls being raped, sexually tortured and mentally abused in the name of porn.
Just so you get turned on.
This is just a beginning of some of my thoughts about the harms of porn.
I am finding it too painful to write anymore – which in the end is proof of the harms of porn.