I am in Utter Grief

I am very sorry for not being my normal standard with my blog.

Although part of me knows I should be apologising for I have a terrible habit of pushing myself too much.

Last night, my grief took over my body and my mind.

I was sick all night, from 4 in the afternoon till now.

It started on the toilet, when I was in massive pain. I found I was bleeding from my anus, I found I was dizzy.

I was terrified. I was alone.

I sent back to the rooms where I was anally raped. Sent back into those moments when all feelings left me. Sent back to when I knew I was dying.

I was trying to grieve my Dad and stepmum, and all I felt was my desperation not to be murdered by some sick john.

I am so angry with every bastard that anally raped.

It may fade, but that extreme violence never goes away.

When I want and need to focus on more important things, likes my grief and love for Dad and my stepmum, that sexual torture gets in the way.

I am so furious. I am so much agony. I am crying and crying.

All I can do is to go forward with my life, and try to build a life that is good.

I have left the johns physicially behind, but too much of the bastards are still in my body.

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