Effects of Last Post

I am very proud of my last post, but I am very terrified of what I have done.

It has had a huge impact on my PTSD and body memories.

Yesterday it hitted so hard, worse than it been for several years.

It begun with a chocking fit, which no sipping of water could stop. Only being a little sick could help for a short while.

It made me angry, coz I was at friend’s birthday meal, and PTSD was getting in the way of relaxing.

Then I got depressed that I could just be happy. When I get depressed, I cover by acting like I don’t care and can be very sarcastic.

Then I hate myself for being crap company, and get rather needy – which makes hate myself more.

I did recover by dancing to my Northern soul records which entertain my friends.

But when I went to bed, PTSD and body memories crash into me.

I was raped over and over.

Not real – but all too real.

The pain was everywhere. I could not breathe. I could on my back. I was sick if I laid on side.

I was scare in the dark, if I turn the light the pain would not fade.

I sat up and felt sick or just sobbed.

I screamed into pillows. Saying no, wanting to give up.

I feel sick still.

This shows the power of my last post.

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