“The realities are brutal and savage: the possibilities may seem to you, quite frankly, impossible. I want to remind you that there was a time when everyone believed that the earth was flat…. I called it a belief but then it was a reality, the only imaginable reality. It was a reality because everyone believed it to be true. Everyone believed it to be true because it appeared true.”
“The Root Cause” in “Our Blood: Prophecies and Discourses on Sexual Politics”. Andrea Dworkin
Reality is fluid when you are a survivor of multiple forms of male violence. For reality is what you know, what you are told and the environment that you are in.
All my life I have been surrounded by events and people that make sure I cannot see what is happening to me. I have lived in environments that turn my world inside.
How can child abuse be a reality when no-one acknowledge that it is happening, especially not the people who are the closest to the events.
No, it is natural for the child to close it down, for the child to appear happy. There is nowhere to put the hurt, confusion and fear.
Many girls have little or no protection from their families. Many are not believed – for to believed your daughter, sister, niece is being abused by someone you think you know – will destroyed all reality.
To know that girl children are raped, mentally abused and treated as objects is a reality. It can be run away from, it can be ignored, the girls can be shown as liars, the girls can shown as “little Lolitas”, it can be said to be a small problem.
Yes, child abuse is hushed up all the time. But it stays a reality. It stays a reality that millions of girls are sacrificed in order that family can stay stable.
Prostitution is a reality that is made to disappear all the time in every way.
It is normal when trying to say even the smallest thing that opposes the sex trade, to be told that you don’t understand the reality. No matter if you have had many years of being inside the sex trade, you cannot know the reality.
No, exited prostituted women are portrayed as too damaged mentally to know their own reality. If they speak of violence as a common practice, that must be delusional.
For how can it be true that men on a mass scale could rape, use sexual torture, murder and mentally abuse a whole class of women and girls.
It cannot be true, so there must another language to fit the reality. The language of myth-making.
A language of choice, empowerment and liberation. A language that show that women who enter the sex trade have high sex drives, low pain threshold and always have johns who respect them.
A language that pretends to acknowledge that prostitution could be dangerous. But translates this to that the prostituted woman has made bad choices, that there are a few bad apples in the johns/pimps/managers. In other words, the blame is firmly placed with the prostituted woman.
Reality is terrifying when you are in the middle of prostitution. To survive, is to build a reality, made up of lying, made up of blocking out all pain or fear, and acting the role of having fun.
Many prostituted girls and women live a double life of violence in prostitution and re-entering the “real world”.
I did that for the majority of my prostituted life. And I lied, I blanked it out, I ignored my pain and injuries. I never let out anything.
But then how could I, when I could not know or understand my own reality.
How could I know I was a rape-toy for many men. How could I not translate that into bad dates, or playing with being a whore. How could I know the reality of being brought and sold, without wanting to kill myself.
How could I know that johns choose to torture me, that they had planned that as part of a night out. How could I not place it into the language of bad luck or choices.
How I live with friends I had in prostitution “disappeared”, how could I not imagine they had some good luck. I refuse to think they could be dead.
How could I not blanked out so much of the torturing. Refuse to know that I was filmed. How do I cope with that.
No, I forget so much. It only came back when my whole lifestyle was miles away from that world. I really know after twenty years.
But is it not natural to closed down degradation and torture. The human does not want to compute that such cruelty exists.
But violence in prostitution is a reality. A hard reality, but it will go away, until it faced in the eye.
There is a possibility of abolition, but it takes the first step of seeing reality and dismissing the language of delusion.